Category: …And Little E Makes 3

So E has had some mild issues with a few developing phobias, so I looked this up on Youtube to introduce him to the mother of all my childhood phobias, the Federal Systems Thunderbolt civil defense siren, and played it good and LOUD for him while telling him how one of these used to scare that crap and many unspeakable crap byproducts out of me when I was just a little older than him (but not by much), and how I briefly joined the school safety patrol in sixth grade because my mother thought I should stand RIGHT NEXT to the damned thing to get over my fear of the merest of possibilities that it might go off while I’m standing under it or just looking at it. I told him how these were first deployed in 1953 or so – probably right around the time my now-assimilated-by-the-UAFS-Borg elementary school was built – and had another setting – rising and falling tones – which were usually reserved for nuclear attack. Then I told him about growing up during the Cold War. I explained to him that, to be less scared of all of these things, I read about tornadoes and sirens and, yes, even Da Bomb, so I could better judge when it’s time to be really scared.

And there was a long silence.

And then he said “But Dad, none of THAT is SCARY. BUGS ARE.”

I really wish I was him sometimes.

Feast now upon the song of my childhood nightmares!

Next question: who in the flaming f#$& buys a retired tornado siren and PUTS IT RIGHT OUTSIDE THE BACK DOOR? I guarantee you the only reason that glass door doesn’t end up in pieces is because he’s got a heap of blankets stuffed down the horn. These things used to kill any birds that would nest in the horns.… Read more