School’s in for summer?
I’ve been plagued by a great deal of self-doubt lately about my future. I do know that I don’t want to be doing what I’m doing now, not even some variation on it, for the rest of my life. I’m not talking about the audiovisual work. I’m talking about the news angle of it, and possibly even the broadcast TV angle of it. I’ve been in this business since I was in high school, which means we’ve now officially reached the point where I can say I’ve been in the same business for over half my life, and every instinct of which I’m capable has been telling me lately that It’s Time For A Change. I know I have employable skills, but I’m finding that I’m at a loss for how to use them.
So, in the new year, I’m looking at going back to school, full-time. I’ve resisted that idea in years past, because on some level it just felt a little bit lazy compared to what I’ve been doing (even though I know getting a degree is damned hard work), almost as if I’d be retreating to school and admitting that I’m a failure where work is concerned, and I’ve blown a previous attempt at going to college before, and I don’t want to accumulate the debt. There’s enough debt as it is, says my house, every time I open its door and walk inside. But on a certain level, I feel that my current position at work is untenable in the extreme – I’m rapidly zooming up to a point where I’ll probably have some kind of on-the-job meltdown where they’ll have to get rid of me. Despite some personnel changes, I’m still not off the treadmill yet – there are just different faces keeping me on it. And as good as the company I work for is where benefits are concerned, they clearly show more preference to people who are Climbing The Ladder than people who’d prefer to serve in their current position and be better compensated for it. (I’m not sure why that is, really – you can only climb so far on the ladder before you hit a ceiling and leave the company anyway.)
But at the same time, I recognize that I have limits, and that I’m approaching the limits of my patience and sanity at breakneck speed in my current job. Something’s got to give sooner or later, and I’d rather that happened with an admission that I don’t want to do this anymore than with my doing or saying something that suddenly makes me unemployable. I’m not entertaining any illusions that it’ll be easy starting over again as a college freshman when I’m turning 34, and then having to reboot my career at the age of 38 or 40. But I also find that preferable to turning 40 in the business I’m in right now with no dignity or sanity left to show for it.… Read more
