Category: Serious Stuff

My dad dropped by for a visit on Friday morning; I kept Evan out of day care for the morning so they could get a little bit of time in. Unfortunately, as hard as this is to believe, Evan was just about on his worst behavior ever before my dad got into town – he was a total terror. I think a lot of that was down to his daily routine of going to day care right after breakfast being disrupted. We went to pick up my dad at the Alma Cracker Barrel while my stepmother ran errands elsewhere, and came back to the house. After a little bit, I had to let my dad down – Evan really needed to go to day care, run off some of this energy, and be with kids his own age. I know my dad was upset by this, but the kid’s got a routine…and at this age it’s all about the routine and familiarity. That and I was just tired enough that I was ready to hand him off for a bit. But my dad was bored to tears after we dropped Evan off – and then I found out why.

Apparently, one of Dad’s neighbors, or the clubhouse, or somewhere, someone has a Wii. And he’s played it. And he loves it. And he thought that if anyone on this planet was going to have a Wii, it’d be me. I kinda disappointed him on that count too. (Hey, I’d love to have one – maybe soon. I hope.) I just thought it was funny that someone came to my place expecting to play video games and found the experience a total letdown. 😆

[nocrosspost]One thing we discussed quite a bit was my stepmother. She’s always a topic of conversation – hell, in this family, she’s kinda like the elephant in the room that everyone does talk about. Thing is, she’s recently been diagnosed with cancer, she’s starting chemo, and so on. When she first broke this news to me a month or so ago, she instantly got incredibly hostile with me – saying stuff like “Well, I bet this is the best moment of your life, huh?”

No, actually, it’s not. I saw my mother go through that, and lose the fight, when I was only 14. And while I’ve never gotten along with my stepmother, I wouldn’t wish that fate on her. On anyone, at all, no matter what they’ve done. So no, it’s not the best moment of my life. I have not been waiting for it. I don’t think it’s any kind of poetic justice.

Which made it all the more amazing when my stepmother showed up later in the day. My wife came home from work and we snuck my dad off to our favorite local eating establishment, the Red Rooster (anyone who happens through the Alma and even so much as breathes a word about dropping by to see me gets a sales pitch for the Red Rooster, mainly because I don’t miss a trick in looking for any excuse to go eat there); my stepmother called to find out where Dad was so she could pick him up, and showed up shortly afterward.

We invited her to have a seat and have a bite, on our dime even, and she told Dad he needed to get his stuff in to-go boxes because she was running a high fever and needed to go see the doctor, now. While he did that, I started to ask her how she was feeling, and said I hope she’s taking it easy, and she started YELLING at my wife and I, in the middle of the restaurant, “AND NEITHER OF YOU HAVE EVER CALLED TO SEE HOW I’M DOING.” And then started in with the cursing.

I should point out that, cancer or no, the lady has always been a psycho – to be honest, I hesitate to extend the definition of the word “lady” to include her – so while it was embarrassing, it was perfectly in character for her and the only reaction I could really come up with was rolling my eyes and smirking. Really. That’s all I could do.

Anytime I talk to my dad, I ask how she’s doing. My main point of interest here is that I hate it that he’s going through this a second time, losing another wife to cancer. I don’t think anyone ever imagined a scenario where she’d be gone before he was, seeing as he’s in his 80s and she’s in her 60s, but now it’s become a real possibility. It’s not one that anyone looks forward to, least of all my dad, so yeah, I have honest concern for her well being.

But through all the years I’ve known her, this woman has never given me even the slightest indication that I was someone she’d want to hear from unless it was absolutely necessary…so I have also kept my distance. She was a black-hole-like influence on my teenage years, sucking all the life out of the family until I was finally able to get the hell out on my own, so she’ll just have to forgive me if I don’t call or write except to check on my father.

And as for her public display…I think at this point, everyone who knows her rolls their eyes and smirks. Terrible given her present plight? Maybe. But her reactions say more about herself than anyone she’s trying to denigrate in public – and her reactions also reveal a lot about why I strongly suspect nobody is calling to check on her too much.

This is also a woman who used to rant about cancer taking people who deserved it (by extension and implication, she was trying to include my mother in that category), back when I was living under the same roof and she was seriously into do-anything-to-break-your-spirit crap. The thought’s occurred to drag that old chestnut out and parade it in front of her now…but you know what? That’s the kind of shit she’d pull. I’m not going to stoop down to that level. I haven’t learned to be just like her; I’ve learned to be better than her.

A lot of the time I spent in Wisconsin was spent on realizing that I was no longer under her thumb, and learning forgiveness. But at the same time, some of the crap she pulled can only be forgiven so much; you can only forgive someone who’s pointed a loaded gun at your face so much. She’ll have to excuse me if I don’t bother sending flowers until they’re the kind that go on her headstone. This may be my final exam on the subject of forgiveness, and maybe I’m about to flunk it, but that particular test score is just going to have to be a discussion between me and God.[/nocrosspost]
… Read more

Every year I compile a list of my favorite and least favorite things about that year, just for giggles, and for future perspective, just to get it on the record. This year, much to the chagrin of everyone reading this, shall be no different.

The Good

1. Fatherhood. This is kind of a no-brainer, but I’ve gotten so much joy out of it this year that it’s worth mentioning again. I’m a stay-at-home dad, so I’ve been here for the first steps, the emergence of “daddy” as the most frequently-spoken word (with “doggy” coming in a close second), and the emergence of real live smiles and laughter. I’ve also been here for the tantrums and crying fits, holding the little guy down at the doctor’s office and watching him get his shots, the inevitable cuts and scrapes, having to be a big meanie dishing out discipline, and the semi-frequent suggestions from certain family members that I’m a lazy bum who isn’t doing a damn thing. There are upsides and downsides to it, but as my son has grown from a helpless little thing who requires my assistance for the bare necessities of survival into a person of his own, it’s the good things that’ll stick with me for the rest of my life. And as for the folks who think I should be getting off my butt and “getting a real job” – this is a more exhausting, demanding job than anything you’ve ever punched a clock for. It’s 24/7. There’s no vacation time. There’s no one to fill in when I’m sick. There’s no way to say “Oh, man. I just don’t feel like changing dirty crappy diapers. Can someone else do this?” Go stand at the back of the line, take a new number, and call me when you have a real, valid criticism. Especially in light of…
2. PDF DVD: A-OK. When one shoots one’s nearly-20-year broadcasting career between the eyes and stays home with the baby, one doesn’t expect to be the breadwinner – except, of course, that the way that broadcast pays in this market, I was never the breadwinner anyway. At any rate, I didn’t even really expect to contribute financially. In late March of this year, I was invited to a video and computer game-related event in OKC at the end of April, and for some reason I got the wild notion that I was going to buckle down and finally finish the eternally-in-the-works Phosphor Dot Fossils DVD that I’d been working on in fits and starts since 2004. I was going to see if, oh, maybe a couple of dozen people would buy it, either at the show or on the internet. Imagine my surprise when a lot of people bought it. As rough as the edges are on that DVD, and as much as I could pick it apart or criticize it to bits, it actually brought in a healthy amount of money this year. At first it was fun money, and then my wife ran into major vehicle problems and suddenly it was bringing in decent money at a time when we would’ve bled to death on a single income. It fed Evan, bought diapers, and fed us too, numerous times. So much for that job I need to get off my butt and go get – with the way things have gone this year, this was probably a more surefire gig than anything else I could’ve been doing. Did it bring in as much as my old TV job used to? No. I’m not going to pretend it did. But it kept us afloat and it allowed me to stay home with my son, and provided a creative outlet at a time when I easily could’ve gone crazy from being stuck at home. I’m not gonna knock that. I’ll be lucky if the second one does nearly as well, but you know what? The equipment I use to make it is paid for. The only expense incurred is blank DVDs and the electric bill. There really isn’t much risk in trying, and in continuing to find new things to do along the same lines (I’m hoping to get not only a second Phosphor Dot Fossils DVD but also a book – though on a different topic – done in 2009). I’m as surprised as anyone that I was able to make a buck (and at a critical time too) with this combination of all my silly hobbies, but I’m pleased it came about. It’s very easy, when you’re staying at home with a chaotic creature like a toddler, who can make a mockery of any attempt to impose a schedule on your day, to begin to let structure and urgency slide. I used to have a job that was wall-to-wall deadlines…and now I don’t. Having a timetable of publishing projects, either DVD or print projects, with the intention of trying to meet that timetable, introducing a new project to take up the slack when the previous one has run its course, has brought a little bit of much-needed structure back to my world.
3. Obama-rama. Maybe this doesn’t really deserve to be in third place, because it is a big deal, but speaking as someone who watched Obama speak at the 2004 DNC and instantly wished that this charismatic, obviously intelligent fellow was running instead of Kerry, I really feel like the good guys won this round. I don’t think he’s a flawless panacaea to all of the nation’s problems, or the world’s problems. But Barack Obama has a participatory view of democracy that might lead to all of us being part of that remedy. That’s the kind of thinking that I think has been lost in recent years/decades as the American political dialogue has descended into polarized, party-based cults of personality (on both sides) and discussions that now resemble an unholy marriage of pre-programmed talking points and pro wrestling trash talk. I’m under no illusion that these things will all be fixed in four years’ time…but I do have a strong feeling that we’re about to be under the leadership of a man who understands that it’s not just his job and his alone to turn things around. It takes everyone. I know that not everyone is going to agree with me on this – the smear machine was out in full force and full ridiculous ugliness this time around, to the degree that I was honestly surprised that the election wasn’t much, much closer – but in fairness, let’s give the guy a chance. And let’s stop walking around on eggshells too: just because you’re not in agreement with the future President doesn’t make you a racist. If nothing else, the next four years will force that topic into the open for deeper analysis too…and that’s probably not a bad thing.

The Bad

1. Absent friends. I hate losing old friends, especially of the four-legged variety, and 2008 was an especially painful year for that. I’d been with Othello for a long time, so while losing him was a hammer blow to my gut, it wasn’t something that was absolutely impossible. Hannah, on the other hand…that just wasn’t meant to happen. She was too young in human or horse terms. Every time I go to the farm and she isn’t there, the back of my brain just screams this isn’t right. I can’t put it any more succinctly than that.
2. Obama-rama II. Wait, what? This is also in the bad category? Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing but respect for the man. But I’ve lost buckets of respect for the tactics used by a great number of people to try to discredit him in ways that had nothing to do with his political platform, and we’re talking about quite a spectrum of folks – from friends of mine who I thought would damn well know better than to stoop to barely-veiled racism (and who damn well should know better than to try to justify it), to attention-whoring conservative radio talkers who are now acting like they’re running the underground resistance against some kind of takeover of the country. I will acknowledge this: the choosing of our next leader is important, but we need to drag this country’s level of political dialogue, kicking and screaming though it may be, back toward issues and away from bullet points and the kind of ad hominem attacks that would’ve gotten folks kicked off the debate squad when I was in high school. And even though it favored the candidate I wound up choosing, I was deeply disturbed that nearly every segment of the mass media seemed to choose sides this time around. Dear media: that’s not what you’re there for. Be a barometer of public opinion, by all means, but don’t attempt to be a political tastemaker. 2008 proved that political dialogue in this country is broken – badly broken. Now the question is – as it is with so many other current issues – are we going to collectively do something to fix it, or just sit back, watch the train wreck again in a couple of years, and fling poo at each other once more?

I consciously steered away from pop culture on my best/worst of list here; it just seems like 2008 was dealing with weightier stuff than that…and besides, there’s still the end-of-the-year podcast-o-rama thingie for that sort of stuff…though with the way my throat’s been lately, everyone’ll probably thing I’m trying to sound like House.

I also have to give a runner-up “good” mention to the discovery of Facebook. I’m reluctant to give this a berth on the list because I’m still a new convert to the book o’ the face, but I’m really enjoying it thus far; I’ve all but stopped going to Myspace. I explained it to someone else a few weeks ago this way: remember, in the late 90s heyday of pre-sued-out-of-existence Napster, how awesome it was to have this one central resource to go to where you were nearly sure to find anything you were looking for? To stretch an internet analogy to its snapping point, Facebook is to social networks what old-school Napster was to file-sharing: I’ve run into many more of my friends here, and many more people who either aren’t on Myspace or are unfindable on Myspace. Facebook doesn’t seem like it’s aimed at ADHD-addled tweens, whereas Myspace does come across that way sometimes. The goofy extra features like the virtual Star Wars figure trading app, Scrabble and D&D Tiny Adventures are kind of neat, especially when they work (I’ve gotten a few invites to things that just never seem to work for me), but even at their worst they’re not as annoying as, say, Myspace layouts drenched with virtual “bling” and busy backgrounds that completely obliterate any legible text that may or may not be on the screen. I’m hooked on the ‘book, and I’m not even remotely sheepish about it – in my situation, it’s a sanity-saving link to the outside world. And it’s just plain fun to see what old friends from school or several workplaces ago are up to, and to litter everyone’s status updates with godawful puns. Good times.

Here’s hoping everyone has a good 2009 despite all the dire predictions. Remember, by the time you’ve finished reading this sentence, the future has begun.… Read more

Yay! The election’s over. That’s the good news, right? Well, maybe just from my perspective – I think it’s vitally important for everyone to at least make the effort to participate in the process, no matter who they vote for. But I guess I’m all chipper because – at the risk of making this all sound like a contest where you try to bet on the winning horse – for the most part, at almost all levels, I got my wishes. My guy’s headed to the White House. I have faith in him. I have faith that where he has rough edges and maybe not as much experience, his advisors, his instincts and his even-keeled temperament will be his best assets.

I didn’t agree with Barack Obama on everything, straight up-and-down-the-line, platform-wise. Maybe about 75% of it, really. Which is a hell of a lot more common ground than I had with Senators Clinton or McCain, or with anyone running on a third party ticket. (Keep in mind – I voted for John Hagelin in 2000. I liked the backbone of his policies enough for forgive/overlook the wacky-doodle stuff in the background about how he hoped to achieve peace through transcendental meditation. I have no qualms about going third party.) On the issues, I agreed with Obama 3/4 of the time, which is a better match than I had with either Gore or Kerry. I tend to lean left in some areas (but not all). I felt distinctly discouraged when, post-primaries, it seemed like so much of the inspirational message of primary season fell by the wayside in favor of party-dictated talking points that seemed, by comparison, diluted. I was incredibly irritated by the wildly unprecedented amount of innuendo that was put into circulation by folks who apparently felt like they had a lot to lose, accusing Obama of being everything from the Godless socialist baby-killing spearhead of a secret Muslim takeover of the government to the Antichrist. Whatever. For my money, he’s a more even-tempered, pragmatic and adaptable candidate than anyone else who was in the running.

But that’s all water under the bridge: the man will be President of the United States. And that’s an occasion that opens the door a bit for something I’ve been wanting to vent about.

I’ve been sick of politics for much of this year because, among other reasons, it’s generated more spam than all the Nigerian bank cons, penis enlargement drugs and other crap I’ve gotten in the three years prior to 2008. A lot of it was anti-Obama, accusing him of being the aforementioned Godless socialist baby-killing spearhead of a secret Muslim takeover of the government, but let’s dance the real waltz here: with me being in the redneck south, if you’ll forgive me being uncharacteristically blunt, a lot of it was recycled nigger jokes. Any racist joke you can think of where you’d ever seen the word “nigger” was regurgitated here with Obama’s name cut-and-pasted in. I even received some of this crap tonight after the Arkansas polls had closed – what the hell effect did the sender think this e-mail would have?).

Let me get down to why, exactly, this bugs the fuck outta me. I can go on and on about respecting the position even if you don’t respect the man (come on, if we’ve been according due respect to President Bush for the past eight years, I think this one’s a no-brainer). But ultimately, my concern isn’t about political correctness. I am raising a young boy who’s already walking, working on talking, and is eagerly drinking in everything he sees and hears and experiences and taking it on board. I intend to teach my son that people – all people – are to be valued and respected. It doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like. You treat people with decency unless they give you a damn good reason to treat them otherwise.

I see President-Elect Barack Obama giving his acceptance speech and outlining his hopes for the future, and I can’t help but marvel as how far we’ve come as a nation. I then think about the number of times that I’ve heard people around me, including close family members, talking out in the open about how they “don’t want a nigger in the White House,” and I can’t help but be reminded that we have so far, so very far, yet to go. And so much more to learn – about according basic respect to a fellow human being.

I realize that there are plenty of people who voted against Obama on grounds of policy rather than race. I respect that. And for those who, for whatever reason (oh, let’s cut to the chase: it’s upbringing, pure and simple), object to Mr. Obama on the grounds of his race, I don’t expect to change your mind. I don’t expect the world to hand me an obstacle-free path to raising my child – I know better than that. But show some common decency and respect in public. The world does enough to gradually strip away the carefree joys and innocence of childhood as our kids grow up; I’ll have to cushion those blows and teach my son to rationalize them as best I can. Just because you disagree with Obama politically does not qualify him for that insulting label (or any of its synonyms for that matter).

A black man is about to become the leader of the free world. And it’s not the end of the world. I’d appreciate it if some folks would stop going on and on like it is.

So far to go, so much more to learn. All of us.… Read more

I saw this the other night and instantly thought it was more insidious than any campaign spot I’ve seen this year – and that’s saying something.

A big part of my diet this year has been kicking the high fructose corn syrup right off the menu. I have no doubt that it’s a big part of why I’ve dropped as much weight as I have. But this commercial is just off-the-scale insidious: because this guy can’t think of anything wrong with it, it is therefore by definition just hunky-dory? You know, I probably couldn’t, on absolutely no notice, cough up detailed studies about why smoking is bad for you from memory, or instantly recall a full list of the side-effects of taking heroin. This doesn’t mean, however, that these things are “just fine in moderation.”

Sometimes I think all the Cold War psych ops types moved to Madison Avenue when there was no more Soviet Union to topple.… Read more

George Carlin has left the building. Can’t say I agreed with him across-the-board in all of his thinking, but I always, always, always came away from his comedy with a few thoughts rolling around in my head, and a few belly laughs too.… Read more