Category: Funny Stuff

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...And Little E Makes 3 Funny Stuff Home Base

Conversations with Little E: Day 3188

Chief AndersonYou know, son, back in my day, anime was wide-eyed folks doing good and occasionally forming up into giant robots…

ME: So…wait a minute. It’s called Yo-Kai Watch because…he’s actually wearing…a Yo-Kai…watch?

E: Yeah, dad. What did you think it would be?

ME: I thought maybe…it’d be like…I dunno…a tornado watch?

E: A tornado watch? Dad! That wouldn’t make any sense.

ME: And that way season 2 could be Yo-Kai Warning…

E: Dad! Just stop!… Read more

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Critters Funny Stuff

Waking Up: A Horror Story

Dramatis Personae

  • MAN – in his 40s, blissfully asleep, blissfully unaware of the horror that is about to unfold.
  • PORTIA – an energetic five-year-old tabby cat, forever stuck in perma-kitten mode. Affectionate.
  • PUCK – a seven-year-old black cat, possibly the laziest feline ever. Not slender, to put it charitably.

We hear the sound of LICKING. Fade in slowly, and slightly out of focus, from MAN’s point of view. PORTIA is the one doing the licking, and she’s licking MAN’s face.

PORTIA
Lick, lick, lick, lick…oh hi, you’re awake!

MAN
Mmmmmph.

PORTIA
I want you to get up and pet me! So I’m going to start kneading your bladder so you have to get up and pee. Then you can pet me!

PORTIA moves further away and begins KNEADING.

PORTIA [while kneading]
Need to pee yet?

MAN
Mmmmmph.

PORTIA [still kneading]
What about now?

MAN
Mmmmhmmmm.

PORTIA [still kneading, but obviously pleased with her handiwork]
Oh good!

There is a dull THUD and something completely blocks MAN’s view. (We are still seeing everything from MAN’s POV.) But we haven’t faded to black. This is simply PUCK, who has jumped onto MAN. And is now simply sitting there, self-satisfied and really unconcerned with what everyone else was doing, as we wonder what the

PUCK
Hi.

MAN [annoyed]
Hnnnnnnnhhhh. Gotta pee. Move.

PUCK doesn’t move. MAN can’t move.

PUCK
Hi.

HARD CUT TO BLACK as the last word echoes into the darkness.

MAN
NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo!

A pause, and then

PUCK
Hi.

THE END… Read more

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Funny Stuff Toiling In The Pixel Mines

Troubles hooting

At work, for reasons I cannot even begin to fathom, the factory in China gets to mangle our manuals, requiring me to fix them. Word files of the manuals come to us with either no spaces whatsoever between words, or spaces in the wrong places. Every so often, there’s a paragraph that has spaces in some of the right places, just to lull you into a false sense of security. And thus was entire work day for me turned into combing through several manuals and occasionally finding gems of Engrish hilarity.

Troubles hooting … Read more

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Funny Stuff Toiling In The Pixel Mines

Well, there went MY plans for fun today

Had to start designing packaging for a garden hose adapter kit yesterday, and my instructions noted that product shots aren’t in from the factory yet, so “use placeholders“. Someone apparently felt the need to hand-write ‘don’t use porn to mock up the inlet nipple kit’ in the margin. Geez, do I look like I’m the biggest perv in the whole areola area? Oops. Sorry.… Read more

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Funny Stuff

I am become death, destroyer of eating establishments

Yesterday I ate at Hamburger Barn with friends. It’s closing down for good soon.

Today I went to Back Yard Burgers in Fayetteville, since I was already up there to do a drug screen for more of that sweet, sweet IT contract work, and it has gone out of business.

So I have a new idea to make a buck: I am the kiss of death to eating establishments. You run a restaurant? You can pay me NOT to show up.

Nice eatery there. It’d be a shame if something had to…”happen” to it. Something like me!

And I’m reasonable – there will be tiered levels for all budgets. You can only pay so much? I’ll only show up about once every month or so, but I’ll still be there, the food service grim reaper following my every step. Don’t want to take any chances? You’ll have to pony up for me to never darken your door.

Contact me for my paypal details, we’ll do lunch. OR NOT. YOUR CHOICE.… Read more