An itemized list, for your enjoyment:
Surely I’m not the only father ever to say these things.… Read more
…not that anybody was listening as we all sat there at a dead standstill, but hey, it’s the thought that counts. And here is that thought. … Read more
Tonight Evan asked me to refill his cup of water. While I was getting the pitcher of filtered water out of the fridge, he asked “Dad, where does water come from?”
It’s easy to get a blank stare from a toddler who finds that he’s suddenly getting a simplified explanation of the hydrological cycle.
Later, he spotted my wife’s watch and said “Mom’s clock!” I told him that if someone is wearing a clock, it’s a watch, unless the person happens to be Flavor Flav, in which case it’s still a clock.
I can tell that this first real inquisitive phase is going to be a lot of fun for us all!… Read more
If there was an infomercial for mass-produced kilts, would that be considered plaid programming?… Read more
Once upon a time, at my second radio job, I knew a guy named Tom. Tom worked in sales, and he was a pretty good guy. He was always trying to talk me into going to his church. (It’s worth pointing out that, at the time, A. I had hair, and B. I had hair down to the small of my back. This being the zip-fly of the Bible belt, I guess that was some kind of visual cue for some people to think I really need to be going to church. And probably cutting my hair and getting a job. You damn hippie. Anyway.)
It never seemed to dawn on Tom that one of the big obstacles to me doing that was that I was working at the station and making sure the commercials he sold were produced and aired every Sunday morning.
He came in one Sunday afternoon to make prodigious unofficial use of the station’s photocopiers, and once again started in on what I called his holy sales pitch, again neglecting to note that I was at the station every Sunday morning.
I’m going to completely destroy the surprise of the punchline of this story at this point by assuring you that Tom is a good guy, and I’m sure he meant “jumping pews.”
He wrapped up his lecture about me needing to go to church with the following statement, topped with an eyebrow-raising Spoonerism:
“Don’t worry, we’re not some kind of crazy church. We’re not rolling in the aisles and speaking tongues and pumping Jews –”
I raised my eyebrows at him and bit my tongue almost in half to keep from busting out laughing.
Tom looked back at me, his mouth half-open, realizing that perhaps, on this occasion, his sales pitch had just taken – as appropriate a use of this phrase as I can think of – one hell of a bad turn. Then he clammed up and walked away. I almost felt bad for him.
He never brought the subject up again. 😆… Read more
Presidents’ Day? Presidents’ Day? I say we reclaim this day on behalf of the proletariat! I hereby declare it… Residents’ Day! In honor of… well… people who live… somewhere.
I really should’ve thought this out a little better.… Read more
There’s been an ad running on the local TV stations lately that just strikes me as perverse: an attraction in Branson is going to have – get this! – a giant ice sculpture of the Titanic!
Hey, great idea. Let’s also do a statue of JFK from spent shotgun shell casings. I could go on, but it’d only get more perverse from there. And somebody thougt this was a good idea!?… Read more
Holy crap! Say it ain’t so, Sanjay.
Some Doctor Who humor for you (using this technique that I haven’t messed with in a long time).
It’s funny because it’s true – or at least true to the formula of this year’s special episodes. 😛 My poor old Marvin the Martian is having some issues, hence his poor aim…… Read more
Evan’s trying on the DEVO look here. That’s my boy!
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