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Funny Stuff Toiling In The Pixel Mines

Mixed Signals III: tonight’s gguuhhhhh will be… derp…

Dark HelmetSo where were we? Oh yeah – seeing off our former TV weather guy with a bang. He was leaving us anyway, so we gave him a memorable sendoff that no one watching at home would ever have known about.

Now the race was on to replace him. Our typically spendthrift manager and owner had a super spiffy idea: let’s not hire anyone new. Let’s just use the people who are already working here and not pay them any extra for suddenly being on-air talent.

That included me. … Read more

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Funny Stuff Toiling In The Pixel Mines

Mixed Signals II: tonight’s forecast is…. gguuhhhhh.

Today's forecastSit back for this one. I’m about to tell you how I became a teevee weatherman. And what happened to the teevee weatherman I replaced.

Weather in a broadcast venue has always completely fascinated me. How the hell do these guys know this stuff? Of course, now I know: the nice government-employed meteorologists at the National Weather Service do most of the legwork for them. The TV guys said it with personality. Or at least that’s what it says on the job description when you sign on the dotted line. … Read more

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Serious Stuff Toiling In The Pixel Mines

Welcome to the Guilt By Assoc.

Blank RegWhen I was going into high school, there were two shows that had my full and undivided attention: Max Headroom and Star Trek: The Next Generation. Not necessarily in that order. Trek was more escapist, and I was more than happy to lose myself in it. Max Headroom, of course, was escapism of another kind, with a day-glo facade of more gritty down-to-Earth reality. Edison Carter always got the Big Story, and always Caught The Bad Guys In The Act. For a kid who was on the journalism track that everyone expected him to be, you couldn’t ask for a better hero. Little did I know that I’d later find myself identifying much more with Blank Reg. Played by the instantly-familiar-and-yet-nobody-remembers-his-name W. Morgan Sheppard, who has had a guest starring role in everything (seriously: check IMDb to see if there’s ever been a show called “Everything.” I bet he’s been in it…), Reg voluntarily lived on the outskirts of society, a kind of hi-tech gypsy running his own pirate TV station from an impossibly spacious VW minibus, refusing to buy into society – or to sell out to it. (Seriously, that minibus was bigger on the inside than the outside – it’s only fitting that he finally got a chance to guest star in Doctor Who not so long ago.) Now that I’m closer to 40 than to 20, I realize Blank Reg was the real hero of the show.

The thing about being in your 20s and finally moving out of your parents’ house is that you’ve got an opportunity, should you wish it, to replace your family with a whole different one, only this time your family’s not related to you by blood. I found that family, if a frequently dysfunctional one, at work. Working in broadcasting in any part of Arkansas that wasn’t Little Rock in the ’90s was an adventure, because you were already budget addled. You either fell into a tight-knit group determined to overcome that, or you found yourself in backstabbing bedlam. I served tours of duty in both situations before achieving escape velocity from the gloomy gravitational pull of the Fort Smith broadcast market and going to Wisconsin. … Read more

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Serious Stuff Toiling In The Pixel Mines

Why I was never a good fit for TV news, or perhaps TV at all

Clark KentWhen I was going into high school, I was on a journalism track. That’s what I was good at, that’s what I was excelling in, and it was just assumed that I’d go from having been an MVP in journalism in junior high and high school to doing pretty much the same thing in college. There were a few factors that no one really could have predicted, however: starting with my mother’s death in 1987, home became anything but a welcoming place, and more and more I was concentrating on opportunities to work, because work was a bulletproof excuse for escaping the hell that was home. I flamed out as a college student in 1992. I’ve never set foot in a college as a full-time student again. And before that happened, I had surprised everyone by opting out of the journalism track I was on in my freshman year. I had an instructor who was challenging; any other time that would’ve been fine, but I was being subjected to daily doses of full-blast adversarial at home. In my mindset at the time, anyone who was even slightly challenging toward me was reading as adversarial. My failing, not my instructor’s. It was probably a good idea to drop out of school when I did – actually, I still think to this day that my life would’ve turned out very differently if I had spent a couple of years trying to make it in “the workforce” (of which, as a part-time radio DJ, I was barely even a part) and then gone to school. I probably would’ve had a much better idea of how hard it is to eat and keep a roof over my head with no degree, and I probably would’ve worked my ass off for it.

But that only happened to Bizzaro World Earl. I never got a degree. In anything. Now it seems I can’t get a job because of it. Which is how I have all this time to write stuff for you fine folks out there lurking in the blog fog.

So you can imagine my surprise when I later found myself working consistently in a professional field which made use of that truncated journalism training. … Read more

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Toiling In The Pixel Mines

The interview

Calling occupants of interplanetary most extraordinary craftHe was the program director of a radio station that, since it was a satellite radio affiliate, didn’t really require programming as such. He had a George-Jones-in-the-’70s haircut and an old-school radio voice.

I had a demo tape I’d recorded at home. I was puffed up because I’d received quite a few compliments on my speaking voice at various high school speech competitions. And I’d seen Good Morning Vietnam about ten times. I had this radio thing down. I also showed up for the interview, demo tape in hand, with hair down to the small of my back (in a ponytail no less), wearing flip flips and my usual uniform of madly clashing day-glo shorts and a tank top. I was really serious about this radio gig. … Read more

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Funny Stuff Toiling In The Pixel Mines

LASTDAY

Logan's LastdayHoly crap. I want to work this morning and my palm crystal had turned red! LASTDAY! Time to report to carousel.

One of the last things I worked on was checking and prepping this morning’s Live With Regis & Kelly, the source of more than one closed captioning snafu. This one was funny: when you slow it down and pause it for whatever reason (getting up to answer the phone, answer a question, have a conversation with someone, save the universe, etc.), the captioning sticks on whatever characters last came through, and it repeats itself onscreen. It doesn’t do this on air, just on the edit station.

I just thought it was weirdly appropriate.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

It’s like the equipment knows, man.

Last day at the station was more or less quiet. I’m so happy that I don’t have to drive to Rogers every night and back from Rogers every day. There aren’t words to describe how much of a drag that was, and how tired I was as the end of either leg of the trip.

Best of luck to my former co-workers. Enjoy your nice new batcave.… Read more

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Toiling In The Pixel Mines

Going back to the beginning?

Master control, 1993-styleFamily members drew my attention to a news item in today’s local paper that is funny-in-a-sad-sort-of-way, and strangely intriguing at the same time. Here’s an excerpt.

TV station KFSM of Fort Smith is seeking a federal waiver of duopoly rules so that it can buy a second TV station in its market area, an official with the Fort Smith station confirmed Friday. Van Comer, president and general manager of KFSM, said his station and KPBI of Eureka Springs have been negotiating the sale for about a year and have signed an asset purchase agreement for $784,000.

Let’s go over the reactions to this that I had almost immediately upon hearing it, and why I had these reactions. … Read more

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Funny Stuff Television & Movies Toiling In The Pixel Mines

TURN IT UP TO 11!

Part of my job at work is to make sure that there’s closed captioning on all of our programming. Airing something without captioning can net a heavy fine, and would probably get me fired if I wasn’t already staring down the barrel of being laid off in a couple of months when the operations center moves up north.

But sometimes, it would help, it really would… if the people who type in the captioning, even in an unpredictable live TV environment… would pay attention to what the hell they’re typing.Read more