Category: Critters

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Critters Funny Stuff

You’ll be malfunctioning within a day or two. And so will your dog.

A bit of background here: several years ago, my dog attracted several potential suitors despite the fact that we’d been told she was already spayed (hint: she wasn’t). It was kind of like the dog version of The Bachelorette, in that you didn’t so much have lots of moon-eyed soft-focus close-ups in fabulously romantic mansions and vacation spots, as you walked out the door to see dogs gettin’ it on in the front yard. (Thankfully, this was years before Evan was born – how in the world would we explain such a sight now? “Well, son, they’re hiking the Appalachian Trail…” But I digress.)

Both of the dogs pictured in that earlier blog entry still live near here, and they still drop by, often bearing gifts – as if to say “Pleeeeeeeeease, can we do that thing again? ohpleaseohpleaseohplease!” These days, post-spay, Xena’s more like “Howdy, want to follow me down to the pond on the adjacent property and go swimming? Maybe gang up and kill one of the pond geese or something?” It’s altogether unlikely that she’s physically capable of caring any less. (I really need to learn her secret someday, my life would be much happier. Or maybe I need to go kill a goose to release the tension? Anyway…) The male dogs bring her dead deer (or pieces thereof) and other strong candidates for road kill – it gets disgusting, especially once it’s built up that beautiful aroma that only comes from not-so-freshly-dead animal carcass that’s been baking in the noonday sun. Guess who gets to dispose of these “gifts” from Xena’s boyfriends? Who else?

So imagine my unfettered delight when my wife informs me that the backbone and ribcage of some unfortunate creature has been left at the top of our driveway by some ex-boyfriend of Xena’s. Nothing says romance around this house like dead things. When I walked out to look at this latest gift from the gods, er, sorry, dogs, I was completely perplexed. At least the usual dead things have some meat on them – there’s some practical value to a dog. This poor thing, whatever it had been, had no such value.

WTF?

But once I laid eyes on it, I realized that, as the head of the household, I had a responsibility to do the only thing that would resolve the situation to anyone’s benefit and with any kind of dignity whatsoever. … Read more

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...And Little E Makes 3 Critters

I look forward to your report, Mr. Broccoli

Who has a kid who loves green veggies? I do!

YUM in progress

Yes, Evan likes broccoli. He didn’t at first, but then his mom put some into a stir fry that she made, and then he loved it. He also called them “TREES!”, something which he would happily exclaim before devouring another one. In only a couple of cases, he disliked the stalk for some reason and refused to eat it, but he’d sure go after the green leafy stuff at the top of the “trees”.

Who has an extremely relaxed cat?

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz in progress

That would be us too.… Read more

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...And Little E Makes 3 Critters Music

Fried-day

Brain drainAccording to my WordPress dashboard, this is the 1,000th blog entry I’ve made. That’s either very impressive, or I’m a very sad little man. Either way, I guess that’s as good an excuse as any for rambling on at great lenght about a bunch of stuff that nobody else is interested in – I mean, that’s the very heart of blogging, isn’t it? … Read more

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...And Little E Makes 3 Critters Gaming Music Should We Talk About The Weather? Toiling In The Pixel Mines

Egging them on

Evan's Easter Eggs!

Evan’s day care had an Easter Egg hunt on Friday, though it was held indoors since we had nasty storms blow through on Thursday night (of which more in a bit). What a haul! And what the heck is some of this stuff? Eggs with little cars in them? Eggs with Play-Doh in them? Man. It’s almost becoming a cliche at this point, but they didn’t have stuff like that when I was his age – at least not in Easter Egg form! … Read more

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Critters Music

Tick talk

SPOOOOOOOOOON!I hate ticks. I effing hate them. All of them.

Seriously, is there a niche in the biosphere that ticks actually fill? Is there a species out there that’d die off if we eliminated all of them? Because I’m trying to make a good start on giving all of the little bloodsucking bastards their marching orders…straight to my toilet, where they get flushed en masse.

I suppose I should both back up and jump forward to where this story begins and ends: the dog. I really need to get some Frontline for her, and she needs a new collar from the vet (which is hideously expensive) (the collar, not the vet) (well, now that I think about it…), because, as she’s still coming into the house during bad weather, she’s hauling in an amount of bloated grey ticks that would probably best be described in terms of tonnage. Tonight after everyone else had gone to bed, I smooshed one under my bare heel by accident, and then started looking at the floor around Xena with a flashlight…and in the course of just a few minutes’ searching, sent 16 of the hideous things to a watery death by flushing.

The poor dog, for all of her trouble, got kicked out of the house. Sorry, Xena, and I know it was right before the storm hit, but I’ve got a problem with this situation. I will remember to get Frontline at the store – I promise. Even then, you’re looking at spending at least another day outside while the little hell-spawned beasts die off and fall off of you. I’m not having them in the house with the baby. But for cryin’ out loud, it’s almost April. I know the weather’s been crazy, but crap…a 100-lb. dog needs to be spending more time outside than inside. Plenty of big dogs around here get to sit through these storms outside with even less protection than you have (a covered porch and a perfectly good doghouse) and I haven’t seen them melt away.

Seriously…ticks. What the hell’s up with them? Are they a cornerstone species or something? If anything out there, some kind of bird or something, actually consumes them, surely we can draw their attention to dietary alternatives that are orders of magnitude less disgusting by default? Because I want them GONE. Get off my planet, ticks! And take the fleas with you!

On a completely unrelated musical note (ha!), I got an Amazon UK notification of a new Eric Woolfson album that I hadn’t heard anything about before. For those not in the know, Woolfson was half of the creative team behind the Alan Parsons Project, and sang lead vocals on such songs as “Eye In The Sky”, “Don’t Answer Me” and “Time”. He brought a lot of the stage musical sensibilities to the Project that made some of their music, quite frankly, epic – though he was always counterbalanced by the more progressive-rock-minded Parsons, who would frequently reign in the more “stagey” excesses of the music Woolfson wrote. They finally split during the making of the 1990 album, Freudiana, which ended up being released not as a Project album (despite sounding extremely Project-y) but as a studio concept album for a musical about the life and influence of Sigmund Freud. Both of them could be found doing interviews for liner notes on the series of remastered Project albums over the past couple of years, but it always seemed like they were being interviewed separately – it would seem that hell stands a better chance of freezing over than the Alan Parsons Project has of getting back together in its entirety.

But it would seem that Woolfson has no problem cashing in on his connection to the group. Numerous bonus tracks on those remastered CDs offered glimpses of early, unfinished takes of numerous previously unheard songs, a tantalizing chance to hear works-in-progress that never got further. Apparently Woolfson decided they needed to go further, and as a result his new album has the slightly top-heavy title of Eric Woolfson Sings The Alan Parsons Project That Never Was. It basically consists of some of those unfinished songs, now presumably fleshed out to full length with a full set of lyrics, and there’s also some overlap with his previous effort, Poe, indicating that perhaps that album originated as rejected Project material.

I dunno, Eric. I may wait for this one to show up used. Maybe I’m being too harshly skeptical, but it’s starting to sound a little too much like Eric Woolfson Can’t Sell An Album Unless He Reminds Everyone Of The Alan Parsons Project Connection. 😆 Coming up next: Eric Woolfson Whistles Alan Parsons Project Instrumental Hits In The Shower, complete with free bonus DVD!

P.S. if anyone’s that fascinated by it, here’s the obligatory link to buy the thing. 😆… Read more