Necrosoft Widows

PRESS RELEASE
MICROSOFT CREATES SISTER CORPORATION TO CREATE OPERATING SYSTEMS FOR “DEAD” PLATFORMS
REDMOND, WA — Microsoft chief Bill Gates today unveiled a new wing of Microsoft Corporation which will begin to bring outdated computer platforms up to speed with their own versions of Windows and Internet Explorer.
Microsoft’s new sister company Necrosoft, with its catchy motto “Where do you wish you could go today?”, has announced that significant development and programming has already been performed on Windows operating systems for the Apple II line, the Atari ST series, the Commodore 64 and 128 models, TRS-80 machines, and the TI 99/4A.
Called “Widows” – in keeping with Necrosoft’s commitment to “dead” systems – the new operating system will approximate Windows as fully as possible within the constraints of each system.
According to Gates, the Apple II version of Necrosoft’s Widows has progressed nicely, though the Apple version of Internet Explorer has met with less success, owing to the necessity to constantly turn over double-sided floppies in both drives for cache functions. A special version of both products will have to be created for the Apple II+ platform.
Necrosoft Widows and Internet Explorer have been developed for Commodore’s 64 and 128 models, and programmers are now working on a version of Widows and Internet Explorer for the VIC-20, though the problem of dumping the Explorer’s cache onto cassette drive has proven difficult. Frequent crashes have earned this version of the popular web browser the name “Internet Exploder.”
Work continues on the Atari ST, TRS-80 and TI 99 versions of Widows and Internet Explorer. If satisfactory progress can be made with these products, Gates has promised that Necrosoft will develop versions of Widows and Internet Explorer for such platforms at the Atari 400 and 800, the Atari 2600 and 5200, Commodore’s CBM series terminals, Intellivision, ColecoVision, the Vectrex game terminal, Odyssey 2 and the Osborne 1.
Gates asks that if any users of other “dead” systems are seeking a version of Necrosoft Widows for their platform, to contact Necrosoft with a request and, if possible, any existing manuals on how to program for those machines.
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Attention Bill Gates: before you sue me, please rest assured that the above was meant entire in jest.