Month: January 1989

MST3K Story: Joel and the Bots are hopeful that they won’t get another Gamera movie, but the Mads counter that turtles are going to be “big, really big”. Still, at first it seems like Joel will get his wish, since the Mads have run out of Gamera films. They briefly contemplate sending a good movie like Star Wars or Jaws, but Dr. Erhardt finds Gamera vs. Guiron at the last moment. At a break, Gypsy accidentally drops a piece of heavy equipment on Crow and he dreams that he is on Earth in the Mads’ control room and that the Mads are stuck on the “Satellite of Loathe”. In his dream, Crow has been sending them Planet Of The Apes Christmas over and over again. Joel wakes Crow up just as they go to commercial. This incident leads Joel and the Bots to an extended discussion on the nature of dreams. After singing a snippet of Satellite of Love with the Bots at the episode’s end, Joel announces that “Kent” is doing a survey back on Earth and that next week there won’t be another Gamera movie.

Gamera Vs. Guiron Story: Akio, a Japanese boy, spots a space ship through his telescope and observes it landing at the park. Akio, his friend Tom and sister Tomoko go out in search of the ship and find it. Akio and Tom climb aboard and the ship launches, carrying them into space. Gamera attempts to stop them, but the ship accelerates too fast. Back on Earth, Tomoko tries to get help, but none of the adults believe her story except one policeman. The boys eventually land on an alien planet where they witness a furious battle between a “Space-Gaos” and a monster whose razor-sharp snout slices the Space-Gaos to pieces. Running from the monster, Akio and Tom find themselves inside an alien city where they meet two female aliens, Belladonna and Flovera. They explain that they control the monster and that it is called Guiron. They also say they need to leave the planet and that they want to take the boys back to Earth with them. Their true intentions are revealed when they drug Akio and Tom and state that they will use the boys as food. Gamera finally arrives and is initially defeated by Guiron, falling onto his back on the bottom of the ocean. The boys find out about the aliens’ plan and eventually escape and revive Gamera. With the boys’ help, Gamera defeats Guiron in a battle that also leads to the aliens’ death. Gamera then takes the boys back to their families on Earth.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
Gamera Vs. Guiron written by Nisan Takahashi (as Fumi Takahashi)
Gamera Vs. Guiron directed by Noriaki Yuasa
Gamera Vs. Guiron music by Shunsuke Kikuchi

MST3K Guest Cast: none

Gamera Vs. Guiron Cast: Nobuhiro Kazima (Akio), Miyuki Akiyama (Tomoko), Christopher Murphy (Tom), Yuko Hamada (Kuniko), Eiji Funakoshi (Dr. Shiga), Kon Omura (Officer Kondo), Reiko Kasahara (Flovera), Edith Hanson (Elsa, Tom’s mother)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: The Mads are in trouble. Their boss, “Old Leadbottom”, has found out they’ve been embezzling money for their experiment on Joel. To make matters worse, they’ve spent their grant money on customizing the Mad Scientist-mobile. They need $40,000 to bring Joel back, so they sold his car. Joel tells them he had $40,000 in it all along, so they send him “the ant movie” as punishment. Joel takes the opportunity of a break to teach the Bots the “Three Robotic Laws”, but they don’t take them seriously, stating the third law is “Give a hoot, don’t pollute.” Later, Joel and the Bots discuss what they’re going to do when they get back to Earth. A game of “I Spy” concludes with an impromptu a cappella rendition of “Wipe Out”. After the movie, Joel announces that they are looking into creating a fan club and asks people who are interested to call in. Joel ends the broadcast by having Crow and Gypsy recite the “Fourth Robotic Law”, which he wrote himself: “Don’t be surprised if somewhere, sometime, when you least expect it, someone walks up to you and says ‘Don’t be surprised if somewhere, sometime, when you least expect it, someone walks up to you and says “Don’t be surprised…”‘”

Phase IV Story: A mysterious solar phenomenon has caused odd behavior amongst the world’s ant population. James Lesko, a specialist in game theory, joins Dr. Ernest D. Hobbs in investigating the ants’ activities. Hobbs had found that ants had been engaging in a high level of socialization: meeting and planning, even across species. The scientists operate in a biosphere outside a housing development that had been overrun by the ants. The only people in the area are a farmer named Eldridge, his wife Mildred, granddaughter Kendra and hired hand Clete. Once they have settled in, Hobbs and Lesko find that the ants have built tall towers, a clear indication of their advanced intelligence. The scientists attempt to contact the ants, with Hobbs finally resorting to destroying their towers to rile them. The ants respond by destroying the scientists’ generator. The Eldridge family has also been run off of their farm. Fleeing to the scientists’ camp, they are caught in a barrage of poison sent by Hobbs to stop the ants. The only survivor is Kendra. Once rescued, Kendra upsets an experiment Hobbs is performing on some of the ants, resulting in Hobbs being bitten and the ants getting a sample of the scientist’s poison. The ants, now immune, step up their attacks: disabling the biosphere’s communications and heating it to the point where the computers fail. The poison from the bite causes Hobbs to become increasingly erratic. He hatches a plan to defeat the ants by destroying their Queen. Meanwhile, Lesko uses geometry to communicate with the ants and reaches the conclusion that the ants want one of them. Kendra, thinking it’s she the ants are after, runs away, giving herself over to the ants. Hobbs tries to go after the Queen himself, but the ants have dug a trap for him and he succumbs. Lesko, with no options left, tries to execute Hobbs’ plan. Eventually, he finds what he believes to be the Queen’s lair, only to discover Kendra: safe, but altered. He comes to the realization that it was the two of them the ants wanted all along. The world belongs to the ants now and mankind will be taught its place.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
Phase IV written by Mayo Simon
Phase IV directed by Saul Bass
Phase IV music by Brian Gascoigne

MST3K Guest Cast: none

Phase IV Cast: Nigel Davenport (Hobbs), Michael Murphy (Lesko), Lynne Frederick (Kendra), Alan Gifford (Mr. Eldridge), Robert Henderson (Clete), Helen Horton (Mildred)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: Hoping to watch the Super Bowl, the Mads decide to send the movie (which is just two episodes of Space: 1999 stitched together) using an auxiliary transmitter they bought with the profits from the sale of “No-D” glasses. Later, Crow gives Joel a haircut and they engage in typical barbershop chit-chat. At a break, Crow cons Servo into testing the theory of evolution by trying to fly. Servo crashes, causing a disagreement between the Bots that lasts for some time. Crow and Servo begin to do Joel’s taxes, but are upset to learn that they are “business expenses”. When the movie finally ends, Joel, Gypsy and Crow play a little catch, culminating in Joel singing a horribly off-key rendition of “We Are The Champions” and the Bots getting into a tickle fight.

Cosmic Princess Story: A prologue tells us that in the year 1999, the moon was blasted out of its orbit around the Earth and hurtled off into space. Its only inhabitants, the crew of Moonbase Alpha, struggle for survival against terrible odds. First, the “Alphans” confront Mentor, an alien who is attempting to revitalize his dead planet Psychon by using the psychic energy of aliens who wander near. He captures an Alphan exploratory ship, feeding one of the crew’s minds into his “biological computer”, Psyche. Then he captures Moonbase Alpha’s leader, Commander John Koenig, along with Medical Officer Dr. Helen Russell and astronaut Alan Carter. Mentor plans to use the remaining Alphans to complete his goal. Mentor’s shape-shifting daughter Maya is unaware of the deadly affects of “helping” Mentor, believing her father’s methods to be benign. Koenig is able to convince her of the truth, allowing him to escape and defeat Mentor. With the destruction of his world imminent, Mentor pleads with Koenig to take Maya to safety. Later, Koenig and crew member Tony Verdeschi get trapped on the other side of a “space warp” that has sent the Moon millions of miles away from its previous position. Back on Moonbase Alpha, Maya is having hallucinations and is transforming into various deadly creatures in a delusional attempt to return to her father. She is eventually cured of her madness, just as Koenig and Tony find a way through the warp and rejoin Moonbase Alpha.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
Cosmic Princess written by Johnny Byrne & Fred Freiberger (as Charles Woodgrove)
Cosmic Princess directed by Charles Crichton & Peter Medak
Cosmic Princess music by Derek Wadsworth
additional music by Barry Gray

MST3K Guest Cast: none

Cosmic Princess Cast: Martin Landau (Koenig), Barbara Bain (Russell), Catherine Schell (Maya), Brian Blessed (Mentor), Tony Anholt (Verdeschi), Nick Tate (Carter), Zienia Merton (Sandra Benes), Anouska Hempel (Annette Fraser)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey