Category: Serious Stuff

A few days ago I mentioned that one of my debit cards had been compromised by parties unknown who had apparently gotten into Forbidden Planet International’s customer database. This was a frustrating and somewhat frightening experience; since that debit card was tied to my Paypal account, any money that came in for DVDs or eBay auctions would just evaporate as the thieves tried to spend whatever they could on the card. The good news is that there just wasn’t a lot of money there; they managed to rack up four fraudulent charges, and only two out of the four were major – and even then, they were amounts that a lot of people wouldn’t describe as major. But hey, when that’s your source of income…it’s kinda major. … Read more

My dad dropped by for a visit on Friday morning; I kept Evan out of day care for the morning so they could get a little bit of time in. Unfortunately, as hard as this is to believe, Evan was just about on his worst behavior ever before my dad got into town – he was a total terror. I think a lot of that was down to his daily routine of going to day care right after breakfast being disrupted. We went to pick up my dad at the Alma Cracker Barrel while my stepmother ran errands elsewhere, and came back to the house. After a little bit, I had to let my dad down – Evan really needed to go to day care, run off some of this energy, and be with kids his own age. I know my dad was upset by this, but the kid’s got a routine…and at this age it’s all about the routine and familiarity. That and I was just tired enough that I was ready to hand him off for a bit. But my dad was bored to tears after we dropped Evan off – and then I found out why.

Apparently, one of Dad’s neighbors, or the clubhouse, or somewhere, someone has a Wii. And he’s played it. And he loves it. And he thought that if anyone on this planet was going to have a Wii, it’d be me. I kinda disappointed him on that count too. (Hey, I’d love to have one – maybe soon. I hope.) I just thought it was funny that someone came to my place expecting to play video games and found the experience a total letdown. 😆

[nocrosspost]One thing we discussed quite a bit was my stepmother. She’s always a topic of conversation – hell, in this family, she’s kinda like the elephant in the room that everyone does talk about. Thing is, she’s recently been diagnosed with cancer, she’s starting chemo, and so on. When she first broke this news to me a month or so ago, she instantly got incredibly hostile with me – saying stuff like “Well, I bet this is the best moment of your life, huh?”

No, actually, it’s not. I saw my mother go through that, and lose the fight, when I was only 14. And while I’ve never gotten along with my stepmother, I wouldn’t wish that fate on her. On anyone, at all, no matter what they’ve done. So no, it’s not the best moment of my life. I have not been waiting for it. I don’t think it’s any kind of poetic justice.

Which made it all the more amazing when my stepmother showed up later in the day. My wife came home from work and we snuck my dad off to our favorite local eating establishment, the Red Rooster (anyone who happens through the Alma and even so much as breathes a word about dropping by to see me gets a sales pitch for the Red Rooster, mainly because I don’t miss a trick in looking for any excuse to go eat there); my stepmother called to find out where Dad was so she could pick him up, and showed up shortly afterward.

We invited her to have a seat and have a bite, on our dime even, and she told Dad he needed to get his stuff in to-go boxes because she was running a high fever and needed to go see the doctor, now. While he did that, I started to ask her how she was feeling, and said I hope she’s taking it easy, and she started YELLING at my wife and I, in the middle of the restaurant, “AND NEITHER OF YOU HAVE EVER CALLED TO SEE HOW I’M DOING.” And then started in with the cursing.

I should point out that, cancer or no, the lady has always been a psycho – to be honest, I hesitate to extend the definition of the word “lady” to include her – so while it was embarrassing, it was perfectly in character for her and the only reaction I could really come up with was rolling my eyes and smirking. Really. That’s all I could do.

Anytime I talk to my dad, I ask how she’s doing. My main point of interest here is that I hate it that he’s going through this a second time, losing another wife to cancer. I don’t think anyone ever imagined a scenario where she’d be gone before he was, seeing as he’s in his 80s and she’s in her 60s, but now it’s become a real possibility. It’s not one that anyone looks forward to, least of all my dad, so yeah, I have honest concern for her well being.

But through all the years I’ve known her, this woman has never given me even the slightest indication that I was someone she’d want to hear from unless it was absolutely necessary…so I have also kept my distance. She was a black-hole-like influence on my teenage years, sucking all the life out of the family until I was finally able to get the hell out on my own, so she’ll just have to forgive me if I don’t call or write except to check on my father.

And as for her public display…I think at this point, everyone who knows her rolls their eyes and smirks. Terrible given her present plight? Maybe. But her reactions say more about herself than anyone she’s trying to denigrate in public – and her reactions also reveal a lot about why I strongly suspect nobody is calling to check on her too much.

This is also a woman who used to rant about cancer taking people who deserved it (by extension and implication, she was trying to include my mother in that category), back when I was living under the same roof and she was seriously into do-anything-to-break-your-spirit crap. The thought’s occurred to drag that old chestnut out and parade it in front of her now…but you know what? That’s the kind of shit she’d pull. I’m not going to stoop down to that level. I haven’t learned to be just like her; I’ve learned to be better than her.

A lot of the time I spent in Wisconsin was spent on realizing that I was no longer under her thumb, and learning forgiveness. But at the same time, some of the crap she pulled can only be forgiven so much; you can only forgive someone who’s pointed a loaded gun at your face so much. She’ll have to excuse me if I don’t bother sending flowers until they’re the kind that go on her headstone. This may be my final exam on the subject of forgiveness, and maybe I’m about to flunk it, but that particular test score is just going to have to be a discussion between me and God.[/nocrosspost]
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