All The Emperor’s Quasi-Norms Part 1

QuarkQuark and his crew are assigned to trash pickup duty on a world whose garbage hasn’t been collected in years, but they’re intercepted by a Gorgon pirate ship commanded by the infamous Gorgon pirate Zorgon. He believes Quark is an undercover agent trying to retrieve a weapon to be used against the Gorgons, and demands to know its location on pain of death. To save his own skin and the lives of his crew, Quark names a random location on a remote asteroid, buying enough time to hatch an escape plan. But every part of that escape plan falls apart badly, and then Quark discovers something even worse: apparently he has led the Gorgons to something that will enable them to take over the universe.

written by Jonathan Kaufer
directed by Bruce Bilson
music by Perry Botkin, Jr.

Cast: Richard Benjamin (Adam Quark), Timothy Thomerson (Gene/Jean), Richard Kelton (Ficus), Tricia Barnstable (Betty), Cyb Barnstable (Betty), Conrad Janis (Otto Palindrome), Alan Caillou (The Head), Joan van Ark (Princess Libido), Ross Martin (Emperor Zorgon), Bobby Porter (Andy), Ned York (Bar-Tel), Jerrold Zimon (Professor Dinsmore), Susan Backline (Guard #1), Keith Atkinson (Guard #2)

QuarkNotes: In what may be the boldest Trek reference in the entire show, Otto Palindrome mentions the Romulans… and then states that they have noses on the back of their heads. The crushing walls of the Gorgons’ prison chamber is obviously a Star Wars riff. Even James Bond gets spoofed when Ficus is stretched out on a rack waiting to be bisected by a laser beam, a la Goldfinger.

LogBook entry by Earl Green