Goodbye Polumbus

QuarkQuark returns to Perma One for his latest assignment, and after the excitement of chasing down his evil twin and “negotiating” with a beautiful female ruler, his luck runs out and he’s assigned another suicide mission. Quark and his crew are to visit the planet Polumbus – from which no United Galaxies ship has ever returned – and find out why no one ever leaves the planet. (Quark’s theory: it’s probably really crowded down there by now.) Once he arrives on Polumbus, Quark sees the woman of his dreams, Ficus sees the woman of his dreams (an equation-spouting math professor), and the Betties see the man of their dreams (a Quark for each of them). When Gene beams down, things get even stranger… and suddenly Quark’s crew is trapped, just like all the others before them.

written by Bruce Kane
directed by Hy Averback
music by Perry Botkin, Jr.

Cast: Richard Benjamin (Adam Quark), Timothy Thomerson (Gene/Jean), Richard Kelton (Ficus), Tricia Barnstable (Betty), Cyb Barnstable (Betty), Conrad Janis (Otto Palindrome), Alan Caillou (The Head), Denny Miller (Zoltar), Mindi Miller (Diane), Richard Devon (Captain), Maggie Sullivan (Teacher), Bobby Porter (Andy)

Goodbye PolumbusNotes: For the first time, Gene/Jean is identified as the chief engineer of Quark’s ship. Goodbye Polumbus is a spoof of the original Star Trek episode Shore Leave, and the Head even assigns one of Quark’s fellow captains to “a five-day mission to explore strange new worlds and seek out new civilizations” on “the final frontier” – one of the most blatant acknowledgements of Trek in the series, but also an indication that Star Trek had become a bit of a cliche via its endless syndicated reruns within a decade of leaving the airwaves.

LogBook entry by Earl Green