The greatest South Park episode, ever.

Last week’s South Park may be the crowning achievement of that show’s entire run on the air. I’ve been quite a fan of South Park for a long time, especially since Matt and Trey have spent recent years getting absolutely Swiftian on us, but last night’s episode may be their best yet. And apparently – due to the chain that leads from South Park to Comedy Central to Viacom to Paramount to Tom Cruise – they had to fight like hell to get this episode in. South Park has gone after Scientology before, though usually in a very metaphorical way (i.e. “Blainetology,” the religion formed around magician David Blaine in the Super Best Friends episode, another of my all-time favorite installments). But this time, you really got the sense that the guys went after it with heads down, teeth bared and no intention to take any prisoners. Normally I’m not the kind of guy who derives any amusement from a less-than-respectful view of anyone’s belief systems – arguably, the world we live in now can be boiled down to such misunderstandings in the broadest sense. But Scientology…I’m just not sure anyone’s taken in by it any more, y’know? Well, aside from Katie Holmes.
In this episode, Stan’s “E-meter” count reveals him to be the Chosen One – the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard himself. The Church of Scientology quickly rallies around him (as his friends quickly distance themselves from him), declaring him the new prophet and begging him to pick up where Hubbard left off. But before he can do that, Stan has to know where Hubbard left off – and then follows a sequence where Stan is told the whole spiel about alien souls, with “THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE” printed across the screen in large letters.
This is what Scientologists actually believe.
A shocked Stan then begins to write new tenets and tracts of Scientology, but his “followers” draw the line when Stan writes in a new rule about no longer charging for the services of the “Church of Scientology,” as this means they would no longer be making money off the deal. When Stan outs the whole thing in public, his followers all announce that they’re going to sue him. (Tom Cruise even pops up and says “I’ll sue you…in England!“) Stan then says “Okay, then, sue me!” – only at this point, he’s speaking for the show’s producers, whose credits then roll by attributing everything on the show to John Smith and Jane Smith.
There are no “B” story threads running through the episode, as there are with many South Park episodes. This story didn’t need extra threads. By coming right out and laying its cards on the table, it becomes gut-bustingly funny enough as it stands.
Just beautiful stuff. I highly recommend you see this episode when it comes around again, or when the current season hits DVD.

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