No Place Like Earth

Out Of The UnknownEarth was destroyed 15 years ago, after the solar system had been colonized as far as the moons of Jupiter. Bert, one of the last people to leave Earth for Mars, became more or less stranded on Mars, traveling between Martian settlements and repairing things for the locals. When the call goes out for men to colonize Venus, Bert is torn between his peripatetic life on Mars, which affords him both a living and leisure time, and the urge to rebuild a new world in the image of Earth. But it is only when Bert arrives on Venus that he learns that all of human history will play out in the building of this new world – even the worst parts. And if he starts a revolution, he may not be long for this, or any other, world.

adapted by Stanley Miller
from a story by John Wyndham
directed by Peter Potter
music by Norman Kay

Out Of The UnknownCast: Terence Morgan (Bert), Jessica Dunning (Annika), Hannah Gordon (Zaylo), Joseph O’Conor (Freeman), Alan Tilvern (Blane), George Pastell (Major Khan), Jerry Stovin (Captain of Spaceship), Vernon Joyner (Carter), Bill Treacher (Harris), Geoffrey Palmer (Chief Officer), Roy Stewart (Security Guard)

Out Of The UnknownNotes: The works of writer John Wyndham would inspire many future genre productions, including the BBC’s adaptation of Day Of The Triffids and ITV’s Chocky series. Norman Kay also provided the incidental music for the first Doctor Who story, An Unearthly Child, in 1963.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

The Counterfeit Man

Out Of The UnknownA long-haul space mission to and from Ganymede is taking a toll on its all-too-human crew. One of the ship’s navigators dies from what appears to be the stress of being away from an earthlike environment, while the ship’s doctor suspects that Wescott, one of the crew, is not human, but an alien being that has assumed his physical form. The doctor begins sowing the seeds of suspicion among his own crew, and soon Westcott is a pariah among his crewmates, and the suspicion spreads. How inhuman will the crew become in trying to prove a shipmate isn’t human?

adapted by Philip Broadley
from a story by Alan Nourse
directed by George Spenton-Foster
music by Norman Kay

Out Of The UnknownCast: Alan Davion (Dr. Crawford), David Hemmings (Wescott), Charles Tingwell (Captain Jaffe), Peter Fraser (Donnie), Anthony Wager (Jensen), Keith Buckley (Scotty), David Savile (Gerry), Geoffrey Kenion (Dave), Barry Ashton (Frank), David Munro (Ken), Hedger Wallace (Commander), Lew Luton (Officer), Derek Martin (Guard)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Monkey Goes Wild About Heaven

MonkeyAn elemental force of nature born from a stone egg, Monkey began life as a stone monkey, but now assumes human form in his ongoing battle of order against chaos against a legion of demons. But while he seeks to bring order to the world around him, Monkey’s love of this fight against the havoc demons means that he’s a chaotic whirl of action, often leaving collateral damage in his wake. To sate Monkey’s considerable ego when he tries to storm Heaven itself, the title of Great Sage, Equal of Heaven, is bestowed upon him, and he is put in charge of Heaven’s orchard of magical peach trees. Monkey promptly begins eating the peaches, whose magical properties make him immortal, and becomes infatuated with Lady Vega, consort of the Emperor of Heaven. He’s willing to start a war in Heaven to win her, and two fighters are sent to stop him – and they fail. The Emperor of Heaven banishes both of them to Earth, turning one of them into a pig and the other into a water spirit, and then summons the help of the Buddha. Assuming a female form, the Buddha assigns Monkey a task, which he thinks is easily accomplished…but in fact he fails and is also banished to Earth.

written by Mamoru Sasaki and Isoa Okishima
based on the story by Wu Ch’Eng-En
adapted by David Weir
directed by Yusuki Watanabe
English dub directed by Michael Bakewell
music by Micky Yoshino / theme performed by Godiego

MonkeyCast: Masaaki Sakai (Monkey), Masako Natsume (Tripitaka), Shirô Kishibe (Sandy), Toshiyuki Nishida (Pigsy), Takao Inoue (Emperor), Yatsuko Tanami (Buddha), Emi Shindo (Lady Vega), Maki Carcer (Demon), David Collings (Monkey’s voice – English dub), Maria Warburg (Tripitaka’s voice – English dub), Gareth Armstrong (Sandy’s voice – English dub), Peter Woodthorpe (Pigsy’s voice – English dub), Frank Duncan (Narrator – English dub), Cecile Chevreau (Buddha’s voice – English dub), Miriam Margolyes (Voices – English dub), Peter Marinker (Voices – English dub)

MonkeyNotes: The airdate shown here reflects the BBC2 premiere date rather than the Japanese premiere date on NTV. Monkey is a satirical Japanese take on the 16th-century Chinese novel Saiyuki (a.k.a. Journey To The West), a staple of Chinese literature that has been adapted dozens of times, both more faithfully told and more bizarrely told (it’s also the basis for the Dragonball franchise). Monkey initiates what is now apparently a tradition of casting a woman as the young male priest Tripitaka.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Monkey Turns Nursemaid

MonkeyMonkey is trapped inside the base of a mountain for 500 years, thanks to a magical seal placed there by the Buddha, who wishes him to learn patience. Emissaries from the Buddha drop by to check on him over the years, but do not free him. They also free a dragon imprisoned in Heaven, sending it to Earth on a mission to help a young priest on a quest. Monkey also meets this young priest, Tripitaka, who is heading westward to retrieve lost Buddhist scriptures, and talks Tripitaka into removing the Buddha’s seal, freeing him. But even Tripitaka was expecting to meet Monkey: he puts a magical headband from the Buddha on Monkey’s head, and can tighten it at will to ensure Monkey’s obedience on their journey. Fortunately, Monkey still loves to fight demons, which comes in handy when they try to bring Tripitaka’s quest to a premature end. The dragon also comes in handy after it changes itself into a horse.

written by Mamoru Sasaki
based on the story by Wu Ch’Eng-En
adapted by David Weir
directed by Jun Fukuda
English dub directed by Michael Bakewell
music by Micky Yoshino / theme performed by Godiego

MonkeyCast: Masaaki Sakai (Monkey), Masako Natsume (Tripitaka), Shirô Kishibe (Sandy), Toshiyuki Nishida (Pigsy), Atsuo Nakamura (Warlord), Eishin Tono (Demon), Homare Suguro (Priest), Akihiko Hirata (Emissary), Yatsuko Tanami (Buddha), David Collings (Monkey’s voice – English dub), Maria Warburg (Tripitaka’s voice – English dub), Gareth Armstrong (Sandy’s voice – English dub), Peter Woodthorpe (Pigsy’s voice – English dub), Frank Duncan (Narrator – English dub), Cecile Chevreau (Buddha’s voice – English dub), Miriam Margolyes (Voices – English dub), Peter Marinker (Voices – English dub)

MonkeyNotes: The airdate shown here reflects the BBC2 premiere date rather than the Japanese premiere date on NTV. Atsuo Nakamura also appeared in the Japanese TV series The Water Margin, which had been adapted by David Weir prior to production of Monkey, as well as in the film 47 Ronin. Eishin Tono (1942-2000) appeared in Ultraman Taro. Akihiko Hirata (1927-1874) appeared in numerous entries in the Godzilla and Ultraman franchises (playing Professor Iwamoto in the latter), as well as films such as Sayonara Jupiter, Fugitive Alien, and Atragon.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

The Great Journey Begins

MonkeyNot long after Monkey and Tripitaka set out westward, they are accosted by a priest who is able to change into a raven at will, warning them of evil spirits who will interfere in their journey. During their first stop, they meet Pigsy, one of the guards exiled from Heaven, and after a brief fight ending in a stalement, Pigsy is asked to join Monkey in guarding Tripitaka on the journey. An encounter with Sandy, the other outcast from Heaven banished to Earth and turned into a water monster, adds another ally the group, and a chance meeting with a general who claims to embody the spirit of a thousand tigers adds a new danger. Can Monkey fight off an entire army of tigers after being blinded by their king?

written by Tetsuro Abe
based on the story by Wu Ch’Eng-En
adapted by David Weir
directed by Daisuke Yamazaki
English dub directed by Michael Bakewell
music by Micky Yoshino / theme performed by Godiego

MonkeyCast: Masaaki Sakai (Monkey), Masako Natsume (Tripitaka), Shirô Kishibe (Sandy), Toshiyuki Nishida (Pigsy), Hajime Hana (Tiger General), Toshiko Tsuyama (Priestess), Hiroshi Yanagiya (Priest), Sei Hiraizumi (Tiger King), David Collings (Monkey’s voice – English dub), Maria Warburg (Tripitaka’s voice – English dub), Gareth Armstrong (Sandy’s voice – English dub), Peter Woodthorpe (Pigsy’s voice – English dub), Frank Duncan (Narrator – English dub), Cecile Chevreau (Buddha’s voice – English dub), Miriam Margolyes (Voices – English dub), Peter Marinker (Voices – English dub)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Monkey Swallows The Universe

MonkeyMonkey, Tripitaka, Pigsy and Sandy encounter a local on their journey, and he warns them of cannibalistic demons on the road ahead. Monkey tricks Pigsy – who wasn’t paying attention to this warning – into scouting ahead by himself. When Monkey goes to look for Pigsy, his friend is nowhere to be found…and a demon drop a mountain on his back, which will eventually crush him. Sandy and Tripitaka are surrounded by demons and taken prisoner. Tripitaka’s very flawed retinue begin bickering about one another’s weaknesses. Once he frees himself from the mountain, demons are sent with a magic bottle to absorb Monkey’s body and soul. Monkey takes it upon himself to infiltrate the demons’ ranks and defeat them, tricking them into thinking he has a bottle that will engulf the entire universe. Using all of the magic available to him, Monkey might just live long enough to free his friends…or be recaptured.

written by Hiroichi Fuse
based on the story by Wu Ch’Eng-En
adapted by David Weir
directed by Daisuke Yamazaki
English dub directed by Michael Bakewell
music by Micky Yoshino / theme performed by Godiego

MonkeyCast: Masaaki Sakai (Monkey), Masako Natsume (Tripitaka), Shirô Kishibe (Sandy), Toshiyuki Nishida (Pigsy), Kenji Tamiya (Silver Horn), Ryohei Uchida (Golden Horn), Yuzuru Yamaguchi (Cannibal #1), Hideya Niiyama (Cannibal #2), David Collings (Monkey’s voice – English dub), Maria Warburg (Tripitaka’s voice – English dub), Gareth Armstrong (Sandy’s voice – English dub), Peter Woodthorpe (Pigsy’s voice – English dub), Frank Duncan (Narrator – English dub), Cecile Chevreau (Buddha’s voice – English dub), Miriam Margolyes (Voices – English dub), Peter Marinker (Voices – English dub)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Episode 1

Hitchhiker's Guide To The GalaxyArthur Dent’s having a more troublesome Thursday than usual. For one thing, the local council has decided to demolish his house and several others with as little warning as possible, all to make way for a new bypass. To protest this, Arthur lies in the mud in front of a bulldozer which would, without his presence, destroy his home completely. And while that’s stressful enough, Arthur’s somewhat odd friend Ford Prefect chooses this very moment to come along and insist that Arhur must come to the pub with him and imbibe heavily, and somehow – according to Ford – the end of the world figures into the proceedings. Arthur reluctantly agrees, but regrets it soon afterward when he hears, from the cozy confines of the pub, the destruction of his house. But before Arthur can exact his revenge on the bureaucrats who made this all possible, he becomes one of the only witnesses to the destruction of the entire Earth – and the slightly bewildered recipient of a babel fish, courtesy of Ford. As it happens, Ford isn’t from Earth at all, and is a roving researcher for an encyclopedic electronic book known as the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The spaceship which Ford has managed to use to escape from Earth, with Arthur in tow, has a crew which isn’t from Earth either…and they’re none too pleased to discover that they have hitchhikers aboard.

Order now!written by Douglas Adams
directed by Alan J.W. Bell
music by Paddy Kingsland

Cast: Peter Jones (The Voice of the Book), Simon Jones (Arthur Dent), David Dixon (Ford Prefect), Joe Melia (Mr. Prosser), Martin Benson (Vogon Captain), Steve Conway (Barman), Cleo Rocos (Alien), Andrew Mussell (Alien)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Episode 2

Hitchhiker's Guide To The GalaxyUnable to escape the Vogon guards, Ford and Arthur are similarly unable to escape a mind-wrenching reading of the Vogon captain’s poetry. Despite Arthur’s attempt to bluff his way past the Vogons by telling their captain that he liked their poetry, the two survivors are sentenced to be thrown out of an airlock. Again, Ford and Arthur and unable to escape the Vogon guard assigned to haul them down to the airlock, and their recurring inability to escape reaches its apex as the airlock is opened and they’re sucked out into the void. Within half a minute, they’re rescued by the Heart Of Gold, a prototype spacecraft powered by the infinite improbability drive. But Arthur and Ford aren’t quite safe yet: the Heart Of Gold has been stolen by none other than Zaphod Beeblebrox, Ford’s two-headed, three-armed, former-galactic-president cousin, and another survivor from Earth, a woman named Trillian.

Order now!written by Douglas Adams
directed by Alan J.W. Bell
music by Paddy Kingsland

Cast: Peter Jones (The Voice of the Book), Simon Jones (Arthur Dent), David Dixon (Ford Prefect), Sandra Dickinson (Trillian), Mark Wing-Davey (Zaphod Beeblebrox), Martin Benson (Vogon Captain), Michael Cule (Vogon Guard), Rayner Bourton (Newscaster), Gil Morris (Gag Halfrunt), David Learner (Marvin), Stephen Moore (voice of Marvin), David Tate (voice of Eddie)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Episode 3

Hitchhiker's Guide To The GalaxyConvinced that he’s found Magrathea, a well-hidden planet that once ruled the galaxy’s economy with its fantastically expensive custom-made planet-building services, Zaphod wants to explore (and plunder) the dormant world as soon as possible. A persistent auto-defense computer on Magrathea itself seems to have other ideas, however, and launches nuclear missiles at the descending Heart Of Gold. With death seemingly certain, and nothing left to lose, Arthur activates the Heart Of Gold’s improbability drive, which doesn’t do much of anything to the ship’s speed or direction, but does yield the unforseen benefit of turning the two nukes into, respectively, a bowl of petunias and a whale, both of which have very short life spans. Landing on Magrathea, Zaphod leads Ford and Trillian into the bowels of the planet, leaving Arthur and Marvin to mind the ship. A native of the planet soon appears to Arthur, beckoning the earthman to accompany him into the bowels of the planet – or, more precisely, to a hyperspace workshop where Magrathean custom planets are built. Arthur is alarmed to discover that a new planet is under construction due to the premature demise of its immediate predecessor: the Earth.

Order now!written by Douglas Adams
directed by Alan J.W. Bell
music by Paddy Kingsland

Cast: Peter Jones (The Voice of the Book), Simon Jones (Arthur Dent), David Dixon (Ford Prefect), Sandra Dickinson (Trillian), Mark Wing-Davey (Zaphod Beeblebrox), Richard Vernon (Slartibartfast), David Learner (Marvin), Stephen Moore (voice of Marvin), David Tate (voice of Eddie), John Austen-Gregg (Real Man), Zoe Hendry (Real Woman), Jim Francis (Real Small Furry Creature from Alpha Centauri), John Dair (Merchant)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Episode 4

Hitchhiker's Guide To The GalaxySlartibartfast, the Magrathean planet-builder who has formed a curious rapport with Arthur, fills his human visitor in on the history of Earth that Arthur never knew. Commissioned by a race of pan-dimensional beings whose bodies portrude only slightly into our dimension in a form most humans recognize as mice, Earth was in fact an organic supercomputer hardwired to calculate the precise wording of the great question of life, the universe and everything. (Earth’s predecessor, a supercomputer known as Deep Thought, had already calculated the answer: 42.) Now, having lost the Earth mere minutes before the matrix of organic life on its surface generated the question, the mice wish to take a shortcut by buying Arthur’s brain. When he comes to the firm understanding that it won’t be returned to him, Arthur turns down the offer and runs for it, with Ford, Trillian and Zaphod right behind him. But before they can reach the Heart Of Gold, galactic police who are hot on Zaphod’s trail for stealing the ship corner the travelers under heavy laser fire.

Order now!written by Douglas Adams
directed by Alan J.W. Bell
music by Paddy Kingsland

Cast: Peter Jones (The Voice of the Book), Simon Jones (Arthur Dent), David Dixon (Ford Prefect), Sandra Dickinson (Trillian), Mark Wing-Davey (Zaphod Beeblebrox), Richard Vernon (Slartibartfast), Antony Carrick (Lunkwill), Timothy Davies (Fook), David Leland (Majikthise), Charles McKeown (Vroomfondel), Matt Zimmerman (Shooty), Marc Smith (Bang Bang), Valentine Dyall (voice of Deep Thought)

Notes: Valentine Dyall played the part of Gagravarr in the original radio series. For those wishing to sing the old Betelgeuse death anthem, the lyrics are as follows: Zaglabor astragard! Hootrimansion Bambriar!

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Episode 5

Hitchhiker's Guide To The GalaxyDue to the violence of the attack by interstellar police hell-bent on arresting Zaphod, a huge computer bank behind which Arthur and the others are hiding explodes with enough force to tear a hole in space-time and shove them through it. The travelers awaken in Milliway’s, the famed Restaurant at the End of the universe, built on the ruins of ancient Magrathea. Milliway’s travels forward in time, giving its patrons a glimpse of the death of the universe while they dine. In the meantime, Marvin – the depressed robot from the Heart of Gold – took the scenic route through time, waiting millions of years as Magrathea crumbled around him and was then turned into Milliway’s. He’s now parking spaceships in the garage at Milliway’s, and one of his latest charges catches the eyes of both Zaphod and Ford, and they decide to steal it. There’s only one problem…their newly-procured ship is locked onto an automated course taking it straight into the heart of a nearby sun.

Order now!written by Douglas Adams and John Lloyd
directed by Alan J.W. Bell
music by Paddy Kingsland

Cast: Peter Jones (The Voice of the Book), Simon Jones (Arthur Dent), David Dixon (Ford Prefect), Mark Wing-Davey (Zaphod Beeblebrox), Sandra Dickinson (Trillian), Jack May (Garkbit, the Head Waiter), Colin Jeavons (Max Quordlepleen), Barry Frank Warren (Hotblack Desiato), Dave Prowse (Bodyguard), Colin Bennett (Zarquon), David Learner (Marvin), Stephen Moore (voice of Marvin) and Peter Davison (Dish of the Day)

Notes: Though already famous from his All Creatures Great And Small stint and his upcoming reign as the fifth Doctor Who, Peter Davison was persuaded to play a well-disguised cameo by his then-wife, Sandra Dickinson. Look for another cameo in this episode by an actor who was taking time off from his most famous acting gig as a certain Dark Lord of the Sith.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Episode 6

Hitchhiker's Guide To The GalaxyTrapped aboard a stunt ship belonging to the rock group Disaster Area, locked into a collision course with a nearby sun, Zaphod and the others are ready to accept any escape route. And Arthur finds one – perhaps: a teleportation system with no automatic controls. Zaphod quickly sweet-talks Marvin into staying behind to help the others escape. Apparently, however, the teleport has no guidance control either – Ford and Arthur find themselves aboard another spacecraft a safe distance away, while Zaphod and Trillian are nowhere to be found. The two hitchhikers hide as they hear approaching footsteps, which turn out to belong to joggers who are just finishing up a few laps on their way back to a room honeycombed with cryogenic suspension capsules. Bewildered, Arthur and Ford make their way to the bridge of the ship, where the Captain – enjoying a bath – explains that they’ve arrived on the “B” Ark from Golgafrincham, currently evacuating one third of the planet’s population to escape a somewhat suspiciously unspecified disaster. As it happens, the “B” Ark is actually carrying the most useless third of the planet’s people – telephone sanitizers, marketing executives, middle management, hairdressers and the like – to their doom.

A time warp carries the “B” Ark into the prehistoric dawn of a small blue-green planet, where, to Arthur’s horror, he discovers that the Golgafrinchans are his ancestors…not the cavemen whose extinction from the face of the primitive Earth is assured by the arrival of a more advanced race.

Order now!written by Douglas Adams
directed by Alan J.W. Bell
music by Paddy Kingsland

Cast: Peter Jones (The Voice of the Book), Simon Jones (Arthur Dent), David Dixon (Ford Prefect), Mark Wing-Davey (Zaphod Beeblebrox), Sandra Dickinson (Trillian), Rayner Bourton (Newscaster), Aubrey Morris (Captain), Matthew Scurfield (Number One), David Neville (Number Two), Geoffrey Beevers (Number Three), Beth Porter (Marketing Girl), David Rowlands (Hairdresser), Jon Glover (Management Consultant), David Learner (Marvin), Stephen Moore (voice of Marvin)

Notes: Though a second season of the Hitchhiker’s Guide TV series was planned, Douglas Adams’ insistance on finding another producer for the show led the BBC To cancel the series, despite the fact that more money was budgeted for a further six episodes and the regular actors were booked to appear. Plans for a U.S. version of the series, to be aired on ABC, were cut short by Adams himself when he became disenchanted with the network’s insistence on turning the Hitchhiker’s Guide into “Star Wars with jokes.”

LogBook entry by Earl Green

An Instinct For Murder

Star CopsDetective Nathan Spring is frustrated when a suspicious drowning is declared to be free of foul play by the police department’s computers. In the highly automated future, computer investigation helps to separate cases which need direct police intervention from those that don’t, but despite the computer’s analysis that there was no sign of foul play, Spring pursues the investigation anyway, devoting the manpower of his underbudgeted, understaffed department to it. When he’s called on the carpet by his superior, Spring is advised to take the opportunity to apply for the vacant job of the chief of the Internaitonal Space Police – or the Star Cops, as they’re sometimes less than affectionately known. Spring, who has never even been into space, dismisses the idea instantly…until his supervisor informs him that taking the position is Spring’s only hope for career advancement.

Spring interviews for the position and finds himself en route to a European-staffed space station whose crew has experienced a number of recent fatal accidents with faulty spacesuits. Again, the initial investigation is handled by a computer, which fails to detect any kind of pattern or motivation for foul play. Spring follows his instincts instead, befriending Star Cop David Theroux, who has already joined the crew and investigated the incidents himself, to no avail. But even then, Spring hasn’t ruled Theroux out as a suspect. Even though he has only rookie-level astronaut training, Spring decides to put his own life on the line in an attempt to draw the suspects out into the open – something which goes against every standard Star Cop procedure – only to discover that he’s up against an organized criminal operation targeting someone much bigger than the Star Cops.

written by Chris Boucher
directed by Christopher Baker
music by Justin Hayward & Tony Visconti

Cast: David Calder (Nathan Spring), Erick Ray Evans (David Theroux), Moray Watson (Commander), Keith Varnier (Controller), Gennie Nevinson (Lee Jones), Linda Newton (Pal Kenzy), Andrew Secombe (Brian Lincoln), Frederik de Groot (Hans Diter), Luke Hanson (Lars Hendvorrsen), Katja Kersten (Marie Mueller)

Notes: A very short-lived late ’80s attempt at a more adult science fiction series than Doctor Who (which, at the time, had just entered Sylvester McCoy’s tenure), Star Cops was created by former Doctor Who writer and Blake’s 7 script editor Chris Boucher. The series was only watched by a small number of people, thanks to a late-night BBC2 timeslot, very thin promotional efforts, and constant battles being fought behind the scenes between Boucher and producer Evgeny Gridneff. This episode was originally written as a two-parter, and was quickly condensed into a single hour as Gridneff’s insistence; it also made use of stock footage of underwater astronaut buoyancy training provided by McDonnell-Douglas, voiced over by the show’s cast. Though never credited for it on screen, David Calder also provides the voice of Box, Spring’s portable (and, it must be said in light of Boucher’s Blake’s 7 background, Orac-like) computer, throughout the series.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Conversations With The Dead

Star CopsAn accident aboard the Earth-to-Mars supply freighter Daedalus fires the ship’s engines long before they should, blasting the ship off-course. Its crew of two is doomed: while they’re in no danger of hitting anything, they’ll run out of air eventually. Even though the crew is still in contact, they’ve all but been declared dead already. The Star Cops begin an investigation, but Nathan has a distraction of his own: his girlfriend on Earth has been brutally murdered. When he arrives to personally assist in the investigation, he finds they he’s being treated as a suspect in the crime. This leaves David to spearhead the Daedalus investigation, during the course of which he makes a discovery that could save the crew’s lives: experimental cryogenic equipment is stored about the Daedalus that could be used to put the crew into hibernation, while there’s just enough fuel to put the Daedalus on a long course back home…if the airlocks are opened selectively. The problem is that it’ll take eight years for Daedalus to reach home, and until then nobody will know if the crew survived or not. And on Earth, Nathan receives a message stating that his girlfriend was but the first victim – and that he will be the next to die.

written by Chris Boucher
directed by Christopher Baker
music by Justin Hayward & Tony Visconti

Cast: David Calder (Nathan Spring), Erick Ray Evans (David Theroux), Trevor Cooper (Colin Devis), Gennie Nevinson (Lee Jones), Sian Webber (Corman), Alan Downer (Paton), Sean Scanlan (Fox), Carmen Gomez (Gina), Benny Young (John Smith), Deborah Manship (Traffic Controller), Richard Ireson (Mike), Rosie Kerslake (Lara)

Notes: The last-ditch maneuver to save the Daedalus is based on a real scientific principle called a “free return trajectory”, a save-our-skins option that involves using the available fuel and possibly gravity assists from celestial bodies to put a spacecraft on track to return home with a minimum expenditure of resources. A free return trajectory often assumes that available fuel is at a minimum, due to whatever has forced mission planners to consider a free return trajectory in the first place. Apollo 13’s crew was successfully returned to Earth in 1970 by use of a free return trajectory that involved swinging around the moon.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Intelligent Listening For Beginners

Star CopsSpring and Theroux are summoned to Moonbase 9, a high-security-clearance facility whose chief scientist, Michael Chandri, claims to have invented a means of nearly foolproof intelligence-gathering. His invention could come in particularly handy in the investigation of recent incidents of computer failures that have had tragic results: the computer controlling the automatic functions at a chemical plant fails, causing a massive explosion, and the traffic computer governing the subway tunnel under the English Channel allows a tragic collision. In the meantime, Spring finds himself having to clean house as he begins a purge of Star Cops with questionable associations leaving them open to corruption. Some of them are happy to make their exit, but headstrong Pal Kenzy fights Spring every step of the way and even promises retribution. Theroux gets a promotion – and his new stripe comes with the responsibility of personally handling the rest of the dismissals – while Colin Devis, the detective Spring recruited from Earth, is assigned the task of procuring new weapons for the Star Cops, a job which seems to lead to Kenzy once again. Fearing that he’s losing his touch, Spring is vexed by the computer failures, and by the apparent inability of Chandri to find the cause of the problem with the vast intelligence-gathering apparatus at his disposal.

written by Chris Boucher
directed by Christopher Baker
music by Justin Hayward & Tony Visconti

Cast: David Calder (Nathan Spring), Erick Ray Evans (David Theroux), Trevor Cooper (Colin Devis), Linda Newton (Pal Kenzy), David John Pope (Michael Chandri), Trevor Butler (Leo), Thomas Coulthard (Ben), Tara Ward (Shuttle Hostess), Peter Quince (Shift Foreman), Peter Glancy (Process Operator)

Notes: This episode anticipates computer viruses and worms by several years, though the concept was already in circulation in 1987, even if it wasn’t necessarily the real day-to-day issue that it is now. Writer Chris Boucher also incorporated the element of widespread computer control causing catastrophes into his 1979 Blake’s 7 season finale, Star One.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Trivial Games And Paranoid Pursuits

Star CopsSpring goes to pay a visit to Space Station Ronald Reagan, operated by the United States, to introduce himself and recruit a new American Star Cop to replace the disgraced Hubble; instead, he finds himself on the defensive as the station’s commander complains bitterly about the dismissal of Hubble from the Star Cops – and the fact that Theroux is still in uniform. Pal Kenzy, fresh from writing her own ticket to reinstatement as a Star Cop following the lunar shuttle hijacking rescue, is frustrated to find that her duties amount to little more than a dispatcher. She manages to annoy an American woman calling to report that her brother has gone missing from Space Station Ronald Reagan, whose crew insists that he was never even aboard. Kenzy goes to pay an unannounced visit to Station Reagan, which puts Spring on the spot. Having already been refused a new recruit by the U.S. State Department, Spring now finds himself in the uncomfortable position of exposing an international cover-up, without backup, at an isolated outpost that’s growing more hostile to his presence with each passing second.

written by Chris Boucher
directed by Graeme Harper
music by Justin Hayward & Tony Visconti

Cast: David Calder (Nathan Spring), Erick Ray Evans (David Theroux), Trevor Cooper (Colin Devis), Linda Newton (Pal Kenzy), Jonathan Adams (Alexander Krivenko), Daniel Benzali (Commander Griffin), Marlena Mackey (Dilly Goodman), Robert Jezek (Pete Lennox), Russell Wootton (Marty), Angela Crow (Lauter), Morgan Deare (Harvey Goodman), Shope Shodeinde (Receptionist)

Notes: Trivial Games may be unique in that it features the only cast crossover between Star Cops and Star Trek: The Next Generation – Brazilian-born actor Daniel Benzali would go on to play a small role as a gruff surgeon who looked for things to make Picard’s artificial heart go in 1989’s Samaritan Snare; he has also appeared in the ’90s revival of The Outer Limits, Beauty & The Beast, The X-Files and Jericho, among other shows filmed on both sides of the Atlantic. Director Graeme Harper, who had already made a mark on Doctor Who behind the cameras of Peter Davison’s farewell story Caves Of Androzani, directs his first Star Cops episode here; as with his Doctor Who stint, he introduced a change in style by lowering the lighting (in some cases to pitch blackness as Spring snoops around the American space station). Harper would go on to a well-respected directing career that would see him returning to the revived Doctor Who series in 2006.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

This Case To Be Opened In A Million Years

Star CopsLiterally moments after the Star Cops’ lunar base is put on maximum alert due to the failed launch (and near-spill) of nuclear radiation at the nearby launch pad, Spring is summoned by the personnel division on Earth, with orders to report to Earth for scheduled leave time…regardless of the emergency. Theroux heads up the investigation into the accident while Spring heads home, but since the death of his girlfriend, Spring has found little comfort on Earth. He finds even less when he has to fend off an attacker – but not before the man drugs him – and is then charged with the man’s murder. It turns out that Spring’s assailant is an Italian with mob ties, recently deported back to Earth from the moonbase courtesy of the Star Cops. Spring is swiftly relieved of duty as Kenzy and Devis investigate a commercial moon mining operation that may have its own ties to the Mafia…and to a black market trade in nucelar-weapons-grade uranium. As for Theroux and moonbase administrator Alexander Krivenko, they seem all too ready to sit by as Spring is railroaded.

written by Philip Martin
directed by Graeme Harper
music by Justin Hayward & Tony Visconti

Cast: David Calder (Nathan Spring), Erick Ray Evans (David Theroux), Trevor Cooper (Colin Devis), Linda Newton (Pal Kenzy), Jonathan Adams (Alexander Krivenko), Michael Chesden (Carlo Santanini), Susan Curnow (Marla Condarini), Stewart Guidotti (Inspector Canova), Vikki Chambers (Lina Margello), Flip Webster (Personnel Officer), Andre Winterton (Angelo Fordenone), Carl Forgione (Tour Guide)

Notes: Writer Philip Martin had already gained fame – or, depending upon whom you ask, notoriety – for his gritty, stylized BBC crime drama Gangsters, as well as his well-received Doctor Who story Vengeance On Varos, which introduced Sil, a promising new enemy for the Doctor; rather less well-received were Martin’s scripts for parts 5-8 of The Trial Of A Time Lord, which revisited Sil but confused viewers, actors and the production crew alike. This was his only Star Cops script to be filmed; a second script, Death On The Moon, was cast, costumed and rehearsed, but a crew strike at the BBC prevented filming from taking place.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

In Warm Blood

Star CopsA ship called the Pluto 5 drifts toward the moon and draws the attention of the Star Cops. Theroux visits the ship up close and personal and discovers that its crew died quite some time ago. At the same time, Spring has to deal with the arrival of a new Japanese medic assigned to the Star Cops, but Krivenko abruptly pulls Spring off of the Pluto 5 investigation and asks him to check on a small orbiting station inhabited by one of Krivenko’s friends, who has cut off all contact abruptly. Spring is annoyed with being assigned this mundane task until he arrives at the station, discovering that Krivenko’s friend is dead. With the very green Dr. Shoun in tow, Kenzy and Theroux return to the Pluto 5 and discover that one member of the crew is unaccounted for. Spring discovers that Krivenko’s dead scientist friend and the crew of the Pluto 5 have a common denominator – research for the giant medical corporation Hanimed. Dr. Shoun also happens to be employed by Hanimed, making Spring immediately suspicious that she’s not there to lend her expertise to the Star Cops…but to hinder their investigation and cover up a fatal bio-engineering design error in a medication being used by millions of people.

written by John Collee
directed by Graeme Harper
music by Justin Hayward & Tony Visconti

Cast: David Calder (Nathan Spring), Erick Ray Evans (David Theroux), Trevor Cooper (Colin Devis), Linda Newton (Pal Kenzy), Jonathan Adams (Alexander Krivenko), Sayo Inaba (Dr. Anna Shoun), Richard Rees (Richard Ho), Dawn Keeler (Christina Janssen), Susan Tan (Receptionist)

Original title: Trial By Murder

Notes: Star Cops creator Chris Boucher has said that the character of Dr. Shoun was not his own invention, but was instead inserted into the series’ final few episodes at the insistence of producer Evegny Gridneff.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

A Double Life

Star CopsWhen an embryo bank at the moonbase is broken into, Spring has the entire base sealed off in the hopes of snaring the thief. In very short order, a ransom message is received, directed at the wealthy Arab heiress Chamsya Assadi. The thief still manages to escape the moonbase, however, by attacking Anna Shoun and donning a pressure suit for the next flight out. In the ensuing crisis, despite that fact that he is doing all he can with limited resources, Spring is told in no uncertain terms that the crime is considered a politically supercharged kidnapping – and that he will likely become a scapegoat if the case isn’t solved immediately. When Anna finally remembers her attacker’s face, the trail leads to the door of concert pianist James Bannerman – who says he’s never left Earth, although his DNA matches traces left by the suspect on the moonbase. In a hurry to defuse the political firestorm, moonbase administrator Krivenko reveals the suspect’s identity to Chamsya Assadi, who has her Earth-based allies kidnap him out from under Theroux’s house arrest. But Bannerman’s alibi – that he was performing a public concert when the crime was committed – troubles Spring. Is this case closed…or cloned?

written by John Collee
directed by Christopher Baker
music by Justin Hayward & Tony Visconti

Cast: David Calder (Nathan Spring), Erick Ray Evans (David Theroux), Trevor Cooper (Colin Devis), Linda Newton (Pal Kenzy), Jonathan Adams (Alexander Krivenko), Sayo Inaba (Dr. Anna Shoun), Brian Gwaspari (James Bannerman/Albi), Nitza Saul (Chamsya Assadi)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Other People’s Secrets

Star CopsA surprise visit from safety inspector Ernest Wolffhart, an old friend of Krivenko’s, coincides with a series of technical mishaps that seem innocuous enough on the surface. Attention is turned to Hooper, the chief maintenance worker on the moonbase, who hasn’t had a break in months – and is now starting to hint that a saboteur is at work in the bowels of the base. Spring assigns Theroux to assist Hooper, largely to make sure that he isn’t the saboteur himself. As much as Theroux protests this assignment, the rest of the Star Cops are even less enthusiastic about their orders from Spring: they’re to “volunteer” to be interviewed by a visiting psychiatrist studying tension in the small, enclosed environments that come with working in space. Kenzy wants nothing to do with this process, whereas Colin Devis is all too eager to turn his interview on its ear and mess with the psychiatrist’s head – after all, he was once married to her.

written by John Collee
directed by Christopher Baker
music by Justin Hayward & Tony Visconti

Cast: David Calder (Nathan Spring), Erick Ray Evans (David Theroux), Trevor Cooper (Colin Devis), Linda Newton (Pal Kenzy), Jonathan Adams (Alexander Krivenko), Sayo Inaba (Dr. Anna Shoun), Geoffrey Bayldon (Ernest Wolffhart), Maggie Ollerenshaw (Dr. Angela Parr), Barrie Rutter (Hooper), Leigh Funnell (Beverly Anderson)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Little Green Men and Other Martians

Star CopsAn old friend of Kenzy’s – a journalist with a nose for both news and booze – arrives on the moonbase, and while their old rivalry survives intact, Kenzy grudgingly admits to her fellow Star Cops that he doesn’t show up without a solid story to chase. Spring doesn’t warm to this visitor at all, especially not when Krivenko is welcoming a visiting dignitary of such importance that he requires a cover story. The destruction of a supply shuttle and its pilot tips Spring’s team off to a drug smuggling operation that’s cooking its drugs on the moon and quietly shipping to Earth. And a momentous discovery on Mars has the entire scientific community on edge – have artifacts of an ancient civilization been discovered there, and is that discovery enough to make someone turn to murder?

In the meantime, everyone from the press to his own team is trying to find out what Nathan Spring’s next move is, as he prepares to set up a Martian bureau of the Star Cops – assuming he survives the increasingly dangerous case of the supposedly Martian artifact…

written by Chris Boucher
directed by Graeme Harper
music by Justin Hayward & Tony Visconti

Cast: David Calder (Nathan Spring), Linda Newton (Pal Kenzy), Trevor Cooper (Colin Devis), Jonathan Adams (Alexander Krivenko), Sayo Inaba (Dr. Anna Shoun), Roy Holder (Daniel Larwood), Nigel Hughes (Andrew Philpot), Lachelle Carl (Susan Caxton), Wendy MacAdam (Operations Manager), Bridget Lynch-Blosse (Co-Pilot), Kenneth Lodge (Pilot), Peter Neathey (Customs Officer), Philip Rowlands (Outpost Controller), David Janes (Surveryor)

Original title: Information Received

Notes: Theroux is absent for this episode, as Erick Ray Evans was ill during filming. Actress Lachelle Carl, playing another reporter in this episode, later carved out quite the “fictional science fiction journalist” role for herself in the Doctor Who universe, playing an American anchorwoman in the revived Doctor Who series (starting with the early episode Aliens Of London), and then reprising the same character in spinoffs Torchwood and The Sarah Jane Adventures. Bridget Lynch-Blosse also has a Doctor Who connection, though it predates Star Cops: she appeared in a guest starring role in 1985’s Revelation Of The Daleks, which was also directed by Graeme Harper. This was the final episode of Star Cops; though the build-up to the establishment of a Martian bureau was intended to lead into a second season, producer Evgeny Gridneff and series creator Chris Boucher had locked horns often enough over the course of the first season that Boucher raised few objections when the low-rated series came to an end.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

The End

Red DwarfThe Beginning: It’s an abysmally average day about the Red Dwarf, a mining ship of the Jupiter Mining Corporation. The two lowest-ranking members of Red Dwarf’s crew, second technician Arnold J. Rimmer and third technician David Lister, are – as one gets the impression is common – unable to agree on anything. Lister’s laid-back lifestyle and his refusal to deal with or, for that matter, acknowledge the existence of any problem unless his life depends on it irritates Rimmer, who sees himself as prime officer material despite his chronic inability to pass the ship’s navigation exams. As Rimmer undertakes the nav exam one more time (only to realize that he once again knows nothing about the subject), Lister opens a ventilation duct in their quarters to let his pet cat Frankenstein out. The cat in question later becomes something of a point of contention between Lister and Captain Hollister, who calls Lister to his office and demands custody of the unauthorized and unquarantined animal. When Lister refuses, he is sentenced to make the rest of Red Dwarf’s journey in suspended animation without pay.

He is awakened from his time in stasis by the ship’s computer, Holly, who, moments after Lister rejoins the world of the living, breaks the news to him that the rest of that world has apparently vacated Red Dwarf – an improperly repaired drive plate (improperly repaired, naturally, by Rimmer) released deadly cadmium-2 radiation into the ship’s habitable areas, killing all aboard except Lister, who was sealed safely in stasis, and his cat, who was safely sealed in a cargo bay. Holly then comforts Lister by revealing that this tragedy happened a long time ago – three million years, to be exact. As if that’s not enough, Rimmer has been revived as a hologram, unable to touch anything, but fully capable of getting on Lister’s nerves. And the generations of kittens born to Lister’s cat have evolved into a humanoid form of cat, with the outward appearance of a human being but the vanity and attitude of a tomcat on the make; one such creature, who winds up with the highly original name of Cat, is “adopted” by Lister. Having had enough surprises for one day, Lister orders Holly to set a course to Fiji.

Season 1 Regular Cast: Chris Barrie (Rimmer), Craig Charles (Lister), Danny John-Jules (Cat), Norman Lovett (Holly)

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Robert Bathurst (Todhunter), Paul Bradley (Chen), David Gillespie (Selby), Mac McDonald (Captain Hollister), Robert McCulley (McIntyre), Mark Williams (Petersen), C.P. Grogan (Kochanski)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Future Echoes

Red DwarfThings That Will Have Been Happening: Lister is preparing to go back into stasis, hoping to be alive and well after a few million years more when Red Dwarf should arrive back at Earth. Lister is also trying unsuccessfully to get Cat to join him in suspended animation, but is having a hard time convincing Cat to leave most of his wardrobe behind. In the meantime, Rimmer – by insulting Holly when asking for a holographic crew cut – sports a dashing and rakish beehive ‘do from Earth’s 1950s, and is outraged at the others’ plan to leave him behind while they sleep through the aeon or so it will take the ship to return home. Shortly after Lister argues with his artificially intelligent Toaster over which of them is a better singer, the ship lurches wildly as it breaks the light barrier once more to make its way home. Lister continues shaving when he notices that the Lister in the mirror isn’t doing the same things at the same time he himself is. (Confused yet?) Holly claims that, since Red Dwarf is traveling faster than light, events that are about to happen are catching up with the crew before they actually do happen. The Toaster backs this theory up, so it must be true, and everyone goes on about their merry way, though the echoes of future events get stranger and stranger, from Cat breaking his tooth to Lister finding a Polaroid (though luckily not a double Polaroid) of himself holding two babies. Then Rimmer witnesses a future event which casts a bit of gloom on the proceedings – Lister’s death while making emergency repairs in the drive room.

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: John Lenahan (Talkie Toaster), Tony Hawks (Dispensing Machine)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Balance Of Power

Red DwarfCurrent Pecking Order: Lister tires of Rimmer’s plan to catalog all the irradiated haggises aboard Red Dwarf and decides instead to take the day off. Lister complains to Holly that instead of Rimmer, the hologram of Kristine Kochanski, a navigator who Lister had a crush on, should have been brought back. Lister goes to Rimmer with the very attractive proposition that Rimmer could be shut down for a while so Lister can spend time with Kochanski. (It’s attractive for Lister, anyway.) Rimmer naturally refuses, so Lister resorts to desperate measures to take a computer course and become the ship’s chef, therefore outranking Rimmer. Holly tries once more to dissuade Rimmer from insulting him by replacing one of Rimmer’s holographic arms with that of Olaf Petersen, a dimwitted Dane and old friend of Lister’s. Rimmer is also getting a little desperate, and so he tries to get Lister to give up the chef’s exam by walking in the guise of Kochanski’s hologram. Even that backfires when Lister sees through Rimmer – well, more so than usual, anyway!

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Rupert Bates (Trout a la Creme/Chef), Paul Bradley (Chen), David Gillespie (Selby), Mark Williams (Petersen), C.P. Grogan (Kochanski)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Waiting For God

Red DwarfLet Us Pray: When Holly spots an unidentified pod floating through space, Rimmer hopes he’s found aliens with the technology to return a hologram to physical form. Lister, in the meantime, is learning how to read cat writing with the aid of Cat’s dictionary, written entirely in smells. Lister advances far enough in the cat language to move on to their Holy Book, which tells the story of Cloister the Stupid, who was frozen in time so that the cat race could live. Lister quickly recognizes from the pictures in this book that he is Cloister, who was sentenced to stasis when he refused to reveal the whereabouts of his unquarantined cat. Lister tries to convince Cat that he is the cat equivalent of God, though for some reason Cat isn’t impressed. Upon the arrival of the mysterious pod, Rimmer decides to embark on an all-out investigation of its origins. Lister quickly discovers that it’s one of Red Dwarf’s own garbage pods, but doesn’t tell this to Rimmer right away or, for that matter, at all. Holly has also been hard at work deciphering Cat’s Bible for Lister, and it reveals that the cat race took all too seriously Lister’s humble desire to go to Fiji and open a donut stand – the cats made this goal their own, with the exception of the colors on the little cardboard hats. Factions who believed the hats should be one color or another divided and took up arms, and most of Cat’s ancestors died in terribly holy wars, with the exception of an ark full of cats which escaped. As Rimmer continues theorizing about his discovery of “Quagaar warriors,” Lister tries to find Cat so he can apologize for being God. In the end, Rimmer sees it is a garbage pod, says it is a smegging garbage pod, and yea, it is a garbage pod, amen.

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cats: Noel Coleman (Cat Priest), John Lenahan (Talkie Toaster)

Notes: Lots of smeggy little tidbits in this story for those who are interested: at the time of this episode, 18 weeks had passed since Lister had come out of stasis; Cat’s parents were a cripple and an idiot (and his father ate his own feet), and the last of the cats aside from the Cat we know and…well, know, is seen here.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Confidence & Paranoia

Red DwarfPrognosis: Having gone to the senior officers’ quarters to visit Kochanski’s cabin, Lister has unknowingly wandered into a quarantined area and caught a disease which was pneumonia 3,000,000 years ago, but is much worse now. Not only does the mutated strain leave its victims susceptible to hallucination, but it can also make those hallucinations real, and it does – when Lister imagines the two personas of his own confidence and paranoia. Rimmer tries to convince Lister that the two new arrivals are nothing but trouble, but when Lister’s confidence treats him like king of the hill, and his paranoia irritates the smeg out of Rimmer, how could it get any better than this?

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Lee Cornes (Paranoia), Craig Ferguson (Confidence)

Red DwarfNotes: Yes, that is future late night talk show host Craig Ferguson, trying to woo Lister to his doom. At this very early stage in his career, Ferguson was a rising comedy star in the UK, and he would have his first shot at writing and performing his own solo material for TV only two years after this Red Dwarf episode aired. Ferguson has recently made it his mission to expose American viewers to Doctor Who, inviting stars Matt Smith, Karen Gillan and Alex Kingston on his show. The only appearance by a Red Dwarf star on his show has been Hattie “Holly v2.0” Hayridge, in 2009.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Me2

Red DwarfIn Stereo Where Available, Baby: It could only get better, Rimmer decides, by tricking Lister into activating a second hologram which he thinks will be Kochanski, but is instead a backup copy of Rimmer himself. It’s love at first sight for Rimmer, who moves into the next room with his duplicate. But all isn’t well – Rimmer’s ambition gets the best of him, as does Rimmer’s amibiton. In the meantime, Cat leaves a present in Rimmer’s closet for future archaeologists to puzzle over, while Lister watches a video of Rimmer’s death and discovers the deadly secret of gazpacho soup, a mystery Rimmer took with him to the grave. But since Rimmer unfortunately didn’t stay there long, Lister will do anything to find out why his dying words were “gazpacho soup.”

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Mac McDonald (Captain Hollister)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Kryten

Red DwarfThis Week on “Androids”: Holly interrupts Rimmer’s futile attempts to learn Esperanto to inform the gang that he’s receiving a real live distress call which turns out to be from an android named Kryten aboard a crashed spaceship occupied by three lovely women. But when Red Dwarf arrives to save the doomed ship’s damsels in distress, they turn out to be very, very dead, to the point where even Rimmer can’t turn their emaciated heads. But Lister insists on taking Kryten back to Red Dwarf, where the android is totally lost until Rimmer gives him a list of chores that mainly involve cleaning every inch of the ship. Lister is determined to make a rebel out of Kryten.

Season 2 Regular Cast: Chris Barrie (Rimmer), Craig Charles (Lister), Danny John-Jules (Cat), Norman Lovett (Holly)

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: David Ross (Kryten), Johanna Hargreaves (The Esperanto Woman), Tony Slattery (Android Actor)

The Cast of “Androids”: Android 14762/E, Android 87542/P, Android 442/53/2, Android 72264/Y, Android 24/A, Android 960212/L

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Better Than Life

Red DwarfWhat Goes Down: Rimmer upon Red Dwarf’s wrestling champion Yvonne McGruder, or so he claims; however, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. A mail pod arrives, containing all kinds of junk mail, a few Total Immersion Video Games (addictive virtual reality games that sense the player’s subconscious desires and brings them to life), Rimmer’s tax notification, and a letter from Rimmer’s mother which informs him that his father is dead. Despite Lister’s best efforts (and Cat’s worst) to cheer him up, Rimmer becomes very depressed. Lister and Cat talk Rimmer into joining them in a T.I.V. game known as “Better Than Life,” which was all the rage three million years ago in Earth’s solar system. They find themselves in a world where their innermost desires come true; Lister and Cat find a restaurant where they can at last order, respectively, a caviar vindaloo and a tank of live fish. Rimmer imagines McGruder, the victim/partner in the one and only sexual experience of his entire lifetime, and Cat imagines Marilyn Monroe as well as a mermaid whose body is fishlike on top and humanoid below the waist. But Lister and Cat haven’t counted on Rimmer’s self-abusive psyche…

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: John Abineri (Rimmer’s Dad), Debbie Ash (Marilyn Monroe), Jeremy Austin (Rathbone), Nigel Carrivick (The Captain), Judy Hawkins (McGruder), Tony Hawks (The Guide), Tina Jenkins (The Newsreader), Ron Pember (The Taxman), Gordon Salkillo (Gordon)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Thanks For The Memory

Red DwarfA Quick Reminder: It’s Rimmer’s deathday, which Lister, Holly and the Cat are probably celebrating more elaborately than they would be if it were his birthday. They all get well pissed, but even the worst hangover doesn’t account for how they wake up the next morning – Lister and Cat each have one foot in a cast, Rimmer remembers confessing in a drunken stupor to Lister that he’s only had sex once with something that wasn’t inflatible, there are gaps in Holly’s memory, and worst of all, someone’s finished the puzzle that Lister had been trying to finish. Naturally, the ship’s black box recorder would have the information they’re after, but even this has gone missing, at least until it is found buried on a nearby moon. When they find out just what has happened, Rimmer and Lister wish they could just forget all about it…

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Sabra Williams (Lise Yates)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

  • The shows, movies and other stories covered here, and all related characters and placenames, are the property of the originators of the respective intellectual properties. This site is not intended to infringe upon the rightsholders' copyright in any way. theLogBook.com makes no attempt - in using the names described herein - to supercede the copyrights of the rightsholders, nor is any of this information officially sanctioned, licensed, or endorsed by the shows' creators, writers or producers.