Kryten

Red DwarfThis Week on “Androids”: Holly interrupts Rimmer’s futile attempts to learn Esperanto to inform the gang that he’s receiving a real live distress call which turns out to be from an android named Kryten aboard a crashed spaceship occupied by three lovely women. But when Red Dwarf arrives to save the doomed ship’s damsels in distress, they turn out to be very, very dead, to the point where even Rimmer can’t turn their emaciated heads. But Lister insists on taking Kryten back to Red Dwarf, where the android is totally lost until Rimmer gives him a list of chores that mainly involve cleaning every inch of the ship. Lister is determined to make a rebel out of Kryten.

Season 2 Regular Cast: Chris Barrie (Rimmer), Craig Charles (Lister), Danny John-Jules (Cat), Norman Lovett (Holly)

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: David Ross (Kryten), Johanna Hargreaves (The Esperanto Woman), Tony Slattery (Android Actor)

The Cast of “Androids”: Android 14762/E, Android 87542/P, Android 442/53/2, Android 72264/Y, Android 24/A, Android 960212/L

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Better Than Life

Red DwarfWhat Goes Down: Rimmer upon Red Dwarf’s wrestling champion Yvonne McGruder, or so he claims; however, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. A mail pod arrives, containing all kinds of junk mail, a few Total Immersion Video Games (addictive virtual reality games that sense the player’s subconscious desires and brings them to life), Rimmer’s tax notification, and a letter from Rimmer’s mother which informs him that his father is dead. Despite Lister’s best efforts (and Cat’s worst) to cheer him up, Rimmer becomes very depressed. Lister and Cat talk Rimmer into joining them in a T.I.V. game known as “Better Than Life,” which was all the rage three million years ago in Earth’s solar system. They find themselves in a world where their innermost desires come true; Lister and Cat find a restaurant where they can at last order, respectively, a caviar vindaloo and a tank of live fish. Rimmer imagines McGruder, the victim/partner in the one and only sexual experience of his entire lifetime, and Cat imagines Marilyn Monroe as well as a mermaid whose body is fishlike on top and humanoid below the waist. But Lister and Cat haven’t counted on Rimmer’s self-abusive psyche…

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: John Abineri (Rimmer’s Dad), Debbie Ash (Marilyn Monroe), Jeremy Austin (Rathbone), Nigel Carrivick (The Captain), Judy Hawkins (McGruder), Tony Hawks (The Guide), Tina Jenkins (The Newsreader), Ron Pember (The Taxman), Gordon Salkillo (Gordon)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Thanks For The Memory

Red DwarfA Quick Reminder: It’s Rimmer’s deathday, which Lister, Holly and the Cat are probably celebrating more elaborately than they would be if it were his birthday. They all get well pissed, but even the worst hangover doesn’t account for how they wake up the next morning – Lister and Cat each have one foot in a cast, Rimmer remembers confessing in a drunken stupor to Lister that he’s only had sex once with something that wasn’t inflatible, there are gaps in Holly’s memory, and worst of all, someone’s finished the puzzle that Lister had been trying to finish. Naturally, the ship’s black box recorder would have the information they’re after, but even this has gone missing, at least until it is found buried on a nearby moon. When they find out just what has happened, Rimmer and Lister wish they could just forget all about it…

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Sabra Williams (Lise Yates)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Stasis Leak

Red DwarfContents Of Rimmer’s Diary: After Lister discovers an unusual entry in the diary of the late Arnold J. Rimmer, a stasis leak is discovered on Red Dwarf which allows the guys to visit the past only a few weeks before the accident that killed the ship’s entire crew. The catch – they can’t bring anything or anyone back with them, since the time differential will reduce that person or object to a pile of albino mouse droppings. Lister and Rimmer each embark on a quest to convince someone from the past to go into stasis and thus join them in the future – Lister, of course, tries to find Kochanski. Rimmer also tries to deliver the message to the person he cares about most: himself. But they discover that smegging about with time can have truly bizarre results.

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Morwenna Banks (The Lift Hostess), Sophie Doherty (Kochanski’s Roommate), C.P. Grogan (Kochanski), Richard Hainsworth (The Medical Orderly), Tony Hawks (The Suitcase), Mac McDonald (Captain Hollister), Mark Williams (Petersen)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Queeg

Red DwarfDamage Report From The Damaged Damage Report Machine: Holly kicks off a banner day in Red Dwarf history by neglecting to tell anyone that there’s a meteor about to collide with the ship. The resulting collision manages to nearly destroy the hologram simulation suite, sending various parts of Rimmer’s mind and body off in different directions simultaneously, and Lister nearly gets electrocuted trying to fix it. When they return to the drive room, a new face appears on the screen – Queeg 500, Red Dwarf’s backup computer, a supposedly more efficient system with all the caring concern of a drill sergeant. Queeg ousts Holly from the main computer and takes control.

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Charles Augins (Queeg)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

Parallel Universe

Red DwarfPreface From “How To Pick Up Girls By Hypnosis”: Saving Lister from further discussion of Rimmer’s maladjusted view of women, Holly announces the invention of the Holly Hop Drive, which can instantaneously transport Red Dwarf across vast reaches of space, at least in theory. When Lister activates the Hop Drive, Red Dwarf winds up in another dimension parallel to Red Dwarf’s, but different – the roles of men and women are reversed, and Lister, Rimmer and Cat run into another Red Dwarf, occupied by a female Rimmer, a female Lister, a female computer named Hilly, and a creature that evolved from the ship’s dog. Rimmer is confronted with his sexist alter-ego who keeps trying to pick him up by hypnosis, and Lister winds up in bed with himself – in a more literal way than usual – and has to contend with getting pregnant.

Order the DVDswritten by Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
directed by Ed Bye
music by Howard Goodall

Guest Cast: Suzanne Bertish (Rimmer), Angela Bruce (Lister), Matthew Devitt (Dog), Hattie Hayridge (Hilly)

LogBook entry by Earl Green