Author: Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: The Mads try to contact Joel, but Crow answers. He and Servo are evasive about Joel’s whereabouts. The Mads quickly tire of the Bots’ games and send Time Of The Apes. The Bots mention Joel throughout the movie, but there is no sign of him. Gypsy shows up with Joel’s uniform in her mouth, which means…”Joel is floating naked in space!” The Bots consider what to do about Joel, while someone or something keeps pounding on the hull of the ship. Servo decides it’s space barnacles, but movie sign prevents Crow from firing the retro rockets to “shake them off.” Cambot shows some video footage of Joel that tricks Crow into thinking Joel is back. Servo then shows how reality simply can’t be trusted on a TV show. It all ends with a shot of Joel (or a small, plastic representation thereof) floating in space, while the Bots ponder life without him.

Time Of The Apes Story: While visiting the lab of his uncle Charlie, Johnny and his friend Caroline are being shown experiments in suspended animation by Catherine, one of the lab assistants. An earthquake hits while Johnny is in a sleep capsule and Catherine and Caroline climb into two others for safety. The capsules are accidentally activated and they wake to find themselves in the distant future. Almost immediately they are captured by intelligent apes. They are taken to be executed, but escape and come into contact with Pepe, a little ape girl. She takes them to her friend Godo, the only other human. They are recaptured, but Godo’s execution is halted by the ape Commander. The Commander proves to be civilized and decries the mistreatment the humans have suffered at the hands of the Police Chief. Although Catherine believes the Commander is trustworthy, Pepe helps Johnny and Godo to escape. Meanwhile, there is a mysterious spaceship that seems to be keeping an eye on the proceedings. When Godo, Johnny and Pepe attempt to rescue Catherine and Caroline, the flying saucer disables the apes’ weapons, allowing them to escape. Catherine has learned that the flying saucer is from Green Mountain and appears to be friendly to humans. With the apes in pursuit, the humans try to make for Green Mountain and are confronted by the Police Chief who reveals that he hates Godo because he blames Godo for the death of his family. The space ship arrives and reveals that the Chief is himself responsible for his own family’s death. The Commander appears and asks the humans to stay with him. They decide to make for Green Mountain in hopes of finding other humans. However, at Green Mountain they find a computer that controls the Earth and demands that they either leave the planet or be transported to the future. They decide to go to the future, but Godo balks and is blasted by the computer. After entering sleep capsules just like those at the lab, the humans awake to find themselves back in their own time. Godo, meanwhile, has been sent somewhere unknown, though Catherine says he will always live on in their hearts.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
additional writing by Brian Funk
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
Time Of The Apes written by Keiiche Abe
from an original story by Sakyo Komatsu, Kouji Tanaka and Aritsune Toyoda
Time Of The Apes directed by Atsuo Okunaka and Kiyo Sumi Fukazawa
Time Of The Apes music by Toshiaki Tsushima

MST3K Guest Cast: none

Time Of The Apes Cast: Reiko Tokunaga (Catherine), Hiroko Saito (Caroline), Masaaki Kaji (Johnny), Wataru Omae (Commander), Tetsuya Ushio (Godo), Baku Hatakeyama (Police Chief Gebar), Kazue Takita (Pepe), Noboru Nakaya, Hiroyuki Kawase

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: A “previously on Mystery Science Theater 3000” segment is presented where we see flashbacks to Joel floating naked in space while the Bots discuss the ramifications. The Mads are finally able to get Joel back and take the opportunity to mock him. When movie sign comes, Joel says he “can’t wait” to get his hands on the Bots. Ultimately, Joel fits the Bots with “Idio-probes” as punishment. They still don’t seem very remorseful. They do, however, fess up that Gypsy got caught in the “spiral-on-down” and they left her there. Joel frees her with a “Robo-Purge” button. Almost an hour into the movie, Servo mentions that he has to “make brownies for the pine wood derby” and won’t be able to watch the rest of the movie (although he can come out of the kitchen for the host segments). Joel tries to do a Courtroom sketch, but the Bots cause it to degenerate quickly into a wacky stream-of-consciousness piece. Later, the Bots question Joel on how he could survive in Space for the five weeks since they had left him there. Joel responds with an acoustic rendition of the section of the MST3K theme about reminding oneself “it’s just a show.” After the movie, Joel has to move Servo’s mouth for him, since it’s broken. Joel also mentions that there are nine hundred members of the fan club so far and again gives information on joining before sending it back to Earth.

The Million Eyes Of Sumuru Story: The death of a secretary to an Eastern dignitary indicates danger for President Boong, leader of an Eastern nation. CIA Agent Nick West is contacted to look into the death. Along for the ride is West’s buddy, millionaire Tommy Carter. Initial investigations lead the two to Sumuru’s villa, where Carter learns that Sumuru is placing her operatives all over the world by having them marry or become the girlfriends of prominent men. When they are discovered, Carter and West find themselves framed for murder and on their way to the Orient to continue the chase. As soon as they arrive, West is kidnapped by Sumuru and blackmailed into joining her in a scheme to get close to President Boong by impersonating a new member of Boong’s staff and arranging for the President’s assassination. While Sumuru “distracts” West for a while, the first attempt is made, but it is foiled by the use of a double, who is killed in the President’s place. West is taken to Sumuru’s headquarters while Carter, with the help of defecting Sumuru Agent Helga, puts together a rescue. Carter and the authorities storm Sumuru’s headquarters, rescue West and blast the place to the ground, leaving Sumuru defeated and apparently dead.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy;
additional writing by Brian Funk
MST3K segments directed by Todd Ziegler
The Million Eyes Of Sumuru written by Kevin Kavanagh
from a story by Harry Alan Towers
based on the stories by Sax Rohmer
The Million Eyes Of Sumuru directed by Lindsay Shonteff
The Million Eyes Of Sumuru music by John Scott

MST3K Guest Cast: none

The Million Eyes Of Sumuru Cast: Frankie Avalon (Tommy Carter), George Nader (Nick West), Shirley Eaton (Sumuru), Wilfrid Hyde-White (Colonel Baisbrook), Klaus Kinski (President Boong), Patti Chandler (Louise), Salli Sachse (Mikki), Ursula Rank (Erno), Krista Nell (Zoe), Maria Rohm (Helga), Paul Chang (Inspector Koo), Essie Huang (Kitty), Jon Fong (Colonel Medika)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: The movie starts after an extremely brief introduction. When Joel tries to work out the trajectory of an incoming meteor shower, Crow just acts like a petulant child until an aggravated Joel makes him “get the belt”. For his calculations, Joel needs to access some of Crow’s memory, so the crew looks over his memory banks and dumps useless information like the King Family Specials, Mario Andretti STP commercials and tons of infomercials. (Crow apparently fell asleep watching KTMA late one night.) Finally having gained access, Joel shows Crow’s first memory. In the flashback it’s shown that CROW stands for “Cybernetic Remotely Operated Woman”. Crow takes it far too seriously until Joel admits it was all a needlessly complicated practical joke. After the movie, Joel is pleased to announce that the Mystery Science Theater Fan Club has almost 1,000 members. Servo announces that the thousandth member will win a Demon Dog, his or her name mentioned on the air and self satisfaction.

Hangar 18 Story: While on an otherwise routine satellite launching mission, three astronauts encounter a flying saucer. Accidental contact leads to the death of one of the astronauts and to the saucer crash-landing on Earth. NASA recovers the alien craft for study and stows it in a secret location: Hangar 18. Meanwhile, one of the President’s aides proceeds with a cover-up of the whole situation, hoping that it can be kept quiet until after the upcoming election. When the two surviving pilots, Steve Bancroft and Lew Price, escape their captivity, an all-out manhunt begins. After Price is killed, Bancroft is able to make it to Hangar 18 where he finally sees and boards the alien spacecraft. An attempt to destroy the space ship and everyone involved by crashing a plane into Hangar 18 is thwarted when the alien ship’s hull proves invulnerable to the massive explosion. Bancroft and most of the NASA scientists survive and all is revealed.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy (and most likely additional writing by Brian Funk)
MST3K segments director unknown
Hangar 18 written by Thomas C. Chapman (as Tom Chapman), James L. Conway, Steven Thornley & Stephen Lord
Hangar 18 directed by James L. Conway
Hangar 18 music by John Cacavas

MST3K Guest Cast: none.

Hangar 18 Cast: Darren McGavin (Harry Forbes), Robert Vaughn (Gordon Cain), Gary Collins (Steve Bancroft), James Hampton (Lew Price), Philip Abbott (Frank Morrison), Pamela Bellwood (Sarah Michaels), Tom Hallick (Phil Cameron), Steven Keats (Paul Bannister), Cliff Osmond (Sheriff Barlow), Joseph Campanella (Frank Lafferty), William Schallert (Professor Mills)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: Dr. Forrester is experimenting on Dr. Erhardt, attempting to prove cold fusion is possible, but only in the human mouth. The experiment seems to be a success (and tastes like Peach Fizz), but Dr. Erhardt says it was just the dry heaves. In frustration, they send Joel the movie. When Joel tries to teach the Bots about conscience, they don’t seem too keen on it. He tries to use a conscience module on Crow, but accidentally uses paranoia instead. Joel later takes some time to announce the 1000th fan letter has been received and shows off the Devil Dog hat that was given as a prize. They read a letter from a fan who enjoyed seeing Joel hit Servo in the head, so he does it again. The final letter of the day compares MST3K favorably to a children’s show featuring Commander Paul (then Commander Dave, then Commander Tom). On that positive note, Joel and the Bots say goodbye.

The Last Chase Story: A deadly virus has wiped out most of the population of the eastern United States. Due to the dangers of spreading the disease, automobiles and other gas-powered transportation have been outlawed. Twenty years after the plague, ex-race car driver Franklin Hart still finds himself yearning for the freedom of the open road, even as he lectures in support of the Mass Transit Authority. Feeling burned out, Hart loses control during a lecture and openly denounces the government. In punishment, he is “retired” and decides the time has come to leave for California. When Hart runs, he escapes the authorities with the help of a young teen named Ring. Together they begin the journey. Hawkins, leader of the Authority, sends a retired fighter pilot, Capt. J.G. Williams after them in one of the few remaining airplanes. Williams catches up with the fugitives and strafes them, wounding Hart. Hart suddenly wakes to find himself in an Indian village populated by refugees from civilization. Hart and Ring find some comfort there, but are eventually flushed out when an assault team attacks the village. Hawkins next reveals a massive, Cold War-era laser, which he hopes to use to destroy Hart and the car. Williams, however, has other plans. He meets Hart on the road in an odd game of “Chicken”, which Hart wins. Williams by now has had a complete change of heart is only bluffing them in order to keep flying. As Hart and Williams approach the laser, Williams sees it and warns Hart. When Hart refuses to get off the road, Williams recognizes that the only way to stop the laser is to sacrifice himself, which he does by flying straight into it. With the laser out of commission, Hart and Ring are free to complete their journey to California, a symbol of freedom to all of America.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
additional writing by Brian Funk
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
The Last Chase screenplay by C.R. O’Christopher and Roy Moore & Martyn Burke
The Last Chase story by C.R. O’Christopher
The Last Chase directed by Martyn Burke
The Last Chase music by Gil Melle (credited as Gil Mellè)

MST3K Guest Cast: none

The Last Chase Cast: Lee Majors (Franklyn Hart), Burgess Meredith (Capt. J.G. Williams), Chris Makepeace (Ring), Alexandra Stewart (Eudora), Diane D’Aquila (Santana), George Touliatos (Hawkins), Harvey Atkin (Jud), Ben Gordon (Morely), Hugh Webster (Fetch), Deborah Burgess (Miss Rawlston), Trudy Young (Mrs. Hart)

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey

MST3K Story: The Mads have come up with a “Joel Is Dead” scheme that they hope will give a boost to the “marketing arm of Mystery Science Theater”. Joel doesn’t care for the idea, but the Mads really need the money to start their new theme park, Six Flags over Ten to the Twelfth Power. Joel has Cambot work up a special effect that makes Joel seem to be carried away by a small child. The Bots consider just how “special” the effect was. At the halfway point, it’s time for a foray into sit-com land, courtesy of Joel’s TV Sit-Com Simulator. Later, Joel shows the Bots how special effects can make a small model dinosaur look really huge. They seem more interested in whether it’s anatomically correct or not. Joel mentions that they are going on hiatus. During the break, Crow says he is going to space camp, while Servo is going to fill his head with Cocoa Butter and Surf ’til he drops. Joel will be working on his Bob Hope impression (which needs it). Joel takes time to thank all the fans and members of the fan club along with the folks at Channel 21 (KTMA). He asks everyone who enjoyed the show to write in before saying a big “Goodbye” for the summer.

The “Legend Of Dinosaurs” Story: A young girl falls into a deep cavern while walking near the base of Mount Fuji. There she sees what she believes to be a dinosaur egg and passes on her discovery before she dies. A young rock expert who learns of the woman is moved to seek out proof of the dinosaur egg’s existence. His father had theorized that dinosaur eggs were beneath Mt. Fuji, but had been rebuffed by the scientific community. His son has similar trouble, as his investigations stand in the way of the local “Dragon Festival”. Still, everything points to the existence of a Plesiosaur in the waters near Mt. Fuji. Mysterious deaths lead to a large-scale effort to find the monster, but it is abandoned when no evidence is found. Attacks in broad daylight eventually make it clear that there are two dinosaurs on the loose: a Plesiosaur and a Pterodactyl. The two prehistoric beasts wind up fighting each other. This activity causes Mt. Fuji to erupt, burying them both.

MST3K segments written by Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein, Jim Mallon & Kevin Murphy
additional writing by Brian Funk
MST3K segments directed by Vince Rodriguez
The “Legend Of Dinosaurs” written by Masaru Igami, Takeshi Matsumoto (as Isao Matsumoto) & Ichirô Ootsu (as Ichiro Otsu)
The “Legend Of Dinosaurs” directed by Junji Kurata
The “Legend Of Dinosaurs” music by Masao Yagi

MST3K Guest Cast: none

The “Legend Of Dinosaurs” Cast: Tsunehiko Watase, Nobiko Sawa, Shotako Hayashi, Tomoko Kiyoshima, Fuyukichi Maki, David Freedman, Maureen Peacock, Catharine Laub, Hiroshi Nawa, Ginji Nakamura (as Kinji Nakamura), Masataka Iwao, Goro Oki, Yusuke Tsukasa, Yukio Miyagi, Akira Moroguchi, Tetsuo Fujisawa, Mineko Maruhira, Satoru Nabe, Takashi Noguchi, Toshio Tomogane, Yoshiaki Yamashita

LogBook entry by Philip R. Frey