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Season 05 Star Trek Voyager

11:59

Star Trek: VoyagerStardate not given: A reminder of the Millennium Gate biosphere project at the dawn of the 21st century gives Captain Janeway the occasion to remember one of her distant ancestors, former astronaut Shannon O’Donnell, who has always inspired Janeway. But when the captain pries further into the pages of history, she discovers that Shannon O’Donnell may not have been the pioneering hero that inspired a young Kathryn Janeway to join Starfleet, and that her part in the Millennium Gate project may have been very small, yet very pivotal…and certainly not a fantastic feat of heroism.

Order the DVDsteleplay by Joe Menosky
story by Brannon Braga and Joe Menosky
directed by Ron Surma
music by David Bell

Guest Cast: Kevin Tighe (Henry Janeway), Bradley Pierce (Jason Janeway), John Carroll Lynch (Mr. Moss), Christopher Curry (Driver), James Greene (Passerby), Kristina Hayes (Field reporter)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

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Farscape Season 1

I, E.T.

FarscapeThe crew discovers a homing beacon installed inside Moya, broadcasting their location to the Peacekeepers. To muffle the signal, Moya buries itself in a bog, and Crichton, Aeryn and D’Argo disembark to gather an element needed to anesthetize Moya during the beacon’s removal. Crichton is quickly separated and finds himself in the hands of the natives, who have yet to journey into space or encounter visitors from other worlds. Because of the delay, Rygel begins the surgery to remove the crystal with only Zhaan’s empathic ability to draw away Moya’s pain.

Order the DVDswritten by Sally Lapiduss
directed by Pino Amenta
music by Subvision

Guest Cast: Mary Mara (Lyneea), Cayde Tasker (Fostro), Boris Brkic (Ryymax)

LogBook entry by Dave Thomer

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Deep Space Nine Season 07 Star Trek

Tacking Into The Wind

Star Trek: Deep Space NineStardate not given: Kira decides on a bold plan to steal one of the Breen energy-dissipating weapons so that Starfleet can study it and come up with a countermeasure. With a team consisting of herself, Garak, Damar, Rusot and Odo, she gets aboard a Jem’Hadar ship. But there are complications – they must wait for the Breen weapon to be installed, Rusot’s hatred for Kira is growing, and Odo has been trying to conceal the true extent of his illness.
Meanwhile, Gowron has been ordering Martok on several suicidal attacks, as part of a design to undermine Martok politically, yet Martok refuses Worf’s advice to challenge Gowron. And Bashir and O’Brien formulate a plan to lure a Section 31 operative to DS9.

Order the DVDsDownload this episode via Amazonwritten by Ronald D. Moore
directed by Mike Vejar
music by David Bell

Guest Cast: Andrew J. Robinson (Garak), Jeffrey Combs (Weyoun), Casey Biggs (Damar), J.G. Hertzler (Martok), Robert O’Reilly (Gowron), John Vickery (Gul Rusot), Salome Jens (Female Changeling), Kitty Swink (Luaran), J. Paul Boehmer (Vornar)

LogBook entry by Tracy Hemenover

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Season 4 Xena: Warrior Princess

The Ides of March

Xena: Warrior PrincessIn hell, Callisto is tormented by visions of Xena and Gabrielle. She also has an unwanted suitor, who brings her news that he has taken an interest in her obsession with Xena. He sends her on a mission – corrupt Xena and make Caesar Emperor. In Rome, Caesar awakens from a nightmare, which features the warrior princess, and finds he’s not alone. Callisto is there and she fills him in on her plan to lure Xena to them.

In Greece, Xena, Gabrielle, and Amarice are on their way to Athens to see Eli when they are attacked by bounty hunters. With a six million dinar price on her head, Xena decides to head for Rome to kill Caesar.

Order the DVDswritten by R.J. Stewart
directed by Ken Girotti
music by Joseph LoDuca

Guest Cast: Hudson Leick (Callisto), Karl Urban (Caesar), Timothy Odmunson (Eli), Jennifer Sky (Amarice), David Franklin (Brutus)

Original title: Xena And Caesar

LogBook entry by Mary Terrell

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Season 05 Star Trek Voyager

Relativity

Star Trek: VoyagerStardate 48310.0: In Starfleet’s orbital shipyards above Mars, the new Intrepid-class vessel U.S.S. Voyager is preparing for her first launch – as is the ship’s newly-promoted Captain, Kathryn Janeway. But what Janeway doesn’t know about her new ship is that a Borg has infiltrated her crew…a Borg she will know, three years later, as Seven of Nine.

Stardate 49123.5621: In the midst of a Kazon ambush, two unexpected visitors arrive aboard Voyager – one to plant a device that will destroy the ship in three years, and another, claiming to be an individual Borg who has traveled back in time to prevent this act of sabotage.

Stardate 52861.274: Deep in the Delta Quadrant, Voyager suffers a series of major breakdowns due to temporal distortions. Just before Voyager explodes, killing all hands, Seven of Nine is “recruited” by Captain Braxton of the 29th century Federation Timeship Relativity. Her mission is to go back in time to prevent the destruction of Voyager without creating additional temporal paradoxes.

Order the DVDsteleplay by Bryan Fuller, Nick Sagan and Michael Taylor
story by Nick Sagan
directed by Allan Eastman
music by Dennis McCarthy

Guest Cast: Bruce McGill (Captain Braxton), Dakin Matthews (Admiral Patterson), Jay Karnes (Lt. Ducane), Josh Clark (Lt. Carey)

Original title: Time Bomb

LogBook entry by Earl Green

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Deep Space Nine Season 07 Star Trek

Extreme Measures

Star Trek: Deep Space NineStardate 52645.7: The Breen weapon has been delivered to DS9, and Odo is in the infirmary. At his insistence, Kira leaves with Garak and Damar to continue the Cardassian resistance movement. With only two weeks at most before Odo will die of the Founders’ disease, Bashir and O’Brien let Sisko in on their plan to obtain the cure from Section 31. Finally, Sloan himself shows up, and is promptly captured by Bashir, who plans to use an illegal Romulan memory scanner to probe Sloan’s mind. However, Sloan triggers a suicide device inside his brain, and Bashir, accompanied by O’Brien, must enter Sloan’s mind in order to find the cure.

Order the DVDsDownload this episode via Amazonwritten by Bradley Thompson & David Weddle
directed by Steven Posey
music by Dennis McCarthy

Guest Cast: Andrew J. Robinson (Garak), William Sadler (Sloan), Jacqueline Schultz (Jessica), Kate Asner (Nurse Bandee), Tom Holleron (Operative)

Original title: Night Tremors

LogBook entry by Tracy Hemenover

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Season 4 Xena: Warrior Princess

Deja  Vu All Over Again

Xena: Warrior PrincessA young woman, Annie, in present day Los Angeles awakes from a dream of Xena fighting Callisto. Annie is convinced the dream means that she was Xena in a past life, and that she is the Xena vigilante who has been wandering the streets at night. But her boyfriend, Harry, thinks she’s just too obsessed with the series. So to prove to him that it’s real she takes him with her to see a past lives counselor, Dr. Mattie Merrill.

Order the DVDswritten by R.J. Stewart
directed by Renee O’Connor
music by Joseph LoDuca

Cast: Lucy Lawless (Xena/Annie), Renee O’Connor (Gabrielle/Dr. Mattie Merrill), Ted Raimi (Joxer/Harry), Robert Trebor (Marko), Kevin Smith (Ares)

LogBook entry by Mary Terrell

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Prequel Trilogy Star Wars

The Phantom Menace

Star WarsThe Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic sends two Jedi Knights, Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi, to the planet Naboo to investigate a distress call indicating an invasion by the Neimoidian Trade Federation. When their diplomatic visit leads them into an ambush, the two Jedi stow away on the Trade Federation’s landing vessels to warn the people of Naboo themselves. The first local they encounter, Gungan misfit Jar Jar Binks, takes them to his undersea home city of Otoh Gunga for safety, but the Gungans quickly turn all three back toward the surface. Just when the Trade Federation’s battle droid army appears to have captured the young Queen Amidala, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan rescue her, convincing her to escape with them to Coruscant, where she can plea for Naboo’s freedom before the Galactic Senate. Amidala reluctantly agrees, but her personal ship is almost destroyed in the escape from Naboo, saved only by the valiant efforts of an astromech droid designated R2-D2. With her ship’s main drive unit in pieces, the Queen agrees to a brief layover on a frontier planet called Tatooine for repairs.

On Tatooine, Qui-Gon and Jar Jar try to find replacement parts, with a royal handmaiden named Padme’ in tow. As Qui-Gon tries to bargain with a no-nonsense parts trader, Padme’ becomes acquainted with a precocious nine-year-old slave boy named Anakin Skywalker. After failing to strike a deal for the parts needed to repair the Queen’s ship, Qui-Gon and his companions move on, but a run-in between Jar Jar and one of the locals reunites them with Anakin. A chance sandstorm forces Qui-Gon’s entourage to take shelter in Anakin’s slave quarters, where he lives with his mother, who is also a servant. Anakin eagerly suggests that Qui-Gon sponsor him in the Boonta Eve pod race, just a day away – a race whose prize money could allow Qui-Gon to buy parts for the Queen’s ship an escapes. Though Anakin’s mother is concerned for her son’s safety, she agrees, and Qui-Gon makes the bet. At the same time, the Jedi Knight suspects that Anakin is very strong with the Force, since no human has the reflexes necessary to race pods.

The hazardous pod race, overseen by Jabba the Hutt, results in the death or disqualification of most of the contestants – except for Anakin and an alien named Sebulba, who has no qualms about cheating. But quick thinking (and, Qui-Gon believes, the Force) not only keeps Anakin in one piece, but he beats the reigning champion. What Anakin does not know is that Qui-Gon had such confidence in his abilities that he added Anakin’s freedom to his bet. But Anakin falters at the thought of leaving Tatooine for a life of adventure when his mother will still be toiling away. Shmi Skywalker assures her son that he will be safe, and encourages him to pursue his dreams. With a new hyperdrive and a new young passenger, Qui-Gon sets out to return to Queen Amidala’s ship – a journey which is abruptly interrupted by a dark warrior who tries to use his considerable Jedi skills to kill Qui-Gon. Barely escaping with his life, Qui-Gon realizes that his attacker could only have been a Sith Lord – the evil opposite number to the valiant ranks of the Jedi, and probably an assassin in search of Queen Amidala.

On Coruscant, Qui-Gon informs the Jedi Council of the murderous Sith, though some of the members insist that the Sith are extinct. He surprises them even more by introducing them to Anakin, whose Force instincts and genetic makeup both prove to be very unique – and potentially very powerful. But the Council members, after testing Anakin’s skills and interviewing him, conclude that the boy is too old and set in his ways. Elsewhere on Coruscant, Queen Amidala’s attempts to bring the pressure of the Senate to bear are thwarted by bureaucracy. Naboo’s Senator Palpatine suggests a vote of no confidence, which is quickly passed, deposing Supreme Chancellor Valorum from leadership of the Senate. Naturally, Palpatine nominates himself as Valorum’s replacement, and the Senate’s sympathy for the plight of Naboo assures his ascension. Queen Amidala vows to return to Naboo to rally her people, calling on Jar Jar to help her make peace with the isolationist Gungans. Qui-Gon (with Anakin in tow) and Obi-Wan accompany the Queen back to Naboo to protect her.

Though Jar Jar has a difficult time convincing his people – now in hiding from the Trade Federation’s battle droids – to help defend Naboo, the Queen puts herself at the Gungans’ mercy. The Gungans commit all of their resources to the battle in an attempt to retake the Queen’s palace, a fight made more difficult by the entrenched army of droids. Anakin is forced to take shelter in a Naboo starfighter, but in trying to protect himself he accidentally launches the ship, hurling himself into the midst of the intense space battle being waged between the Naboo defense force and the Federation’s droid fighters. Darth Maul, the Sith Lord, also reappears, and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan divert all of their energy and strength to preventing him from assassinating the Queen. The freedom of Naboo depends on the efforts of the Jedi, the determination of Queen Amidala, and the inquisitive Anakin . . . but not all of them will live to see the peace restored.

Order the DVDswritten by George Lucas
directed by George Lucas
music by John Williams

Cast: Liam Neeson (Qui-Gon Jinn), Ewan McGregor (Obi-Wan Kenobi), Natalie Portman (Queen Amidala/Padmè Naberrie), Jake Lloyd (Anakin Skywalker), Pernilla August (Shmi Skywalker), Frank Oz (Yoda), Ian McDiarmid (Senator Palpatine), Oliver Ford Davies (Sio Bibble), Hugh Quarshie (Captain Panaka), Ahmed Best (Jar Jar Binks), Samuel L. Jackson (Mace Windu), Ray Park (Darth Maul), Peter Serafinowicz (voice of Darth Maul), Ralph Brown (Ric Olie), Terence Stamp (Chancellor Valorum), Brian Blessed (Boss Nass), Sofia Coppola (Sachè), Adrian Dunbar (Bail Antilles), Kenny Baker (R2-D2), Warwick Davis (Wald), Anthony Daniels (C-3PO), Silas Carson (Nute Gunray), Dhruv Chanchani (Kitster), Celia Imrie (Bravo Five), Margaret Towner (Jira), Silas Carson (Ki-Adi-Mundi), Oliver Walpole (Seek), Kristina DaSilva (Rabe’), Jerome Blake (Rune Haako), Steven Speirs (Captain Tarpals), Warwick Davis (Spectator), Benedict Taylor (Bravo Two), Greg Proops (Beed), Scott Capurro (Fode), Liz Wilson (Eirtaè), Khan Bonfils (Saesee Tiin), Cin (Adi Gallia), Roman Coppola (Naboo Guard), Michaela Cottrell (Even Piell), Mark Coulier (Aks Moe), John Fensom (TC-3), Ray Griffiths (Sebulba), Warwick Davis (Grimy man), Ray Griffiths (Power Droid), Madison Lloyd (Amee), Lewis Macleod (voice of Sebulba), Geoffrey Pomeroy (General Ceel), Alan Ruscoe (Plo Koon), Hassani Shapi (Eeth Koth), Alan Ruscoe (Bib Fortuna), Christian J. Simpson (Naboo Pilot), Alan Ruscoe (Sil Unch)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

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Season 05 Star Trek Voyager

Warhead

Star Trek: VoyagerStardate not given: Harry, in command of Voyager on the graveyard shift, orders a course change to investigate an automated distress signal. Pleased with the ensign’s confidence, Chakotay orders Harry to lead the away mission to find the source of the signal. The signal is being transmitted by an artificial intelligence encased in a metallic shell, and the Doctor is capable of communicating with it. But once the device is thoroughly analyzed aboard Voyager, it is revealed to be an intelligent weapon. An attempt to download the artificial intelligence from the weapon’s casing results in an even worse predicament when the weapon’s intelligence takes over the Doctor’s program. It seals off sick bay with Harry and B’Elanna trapped inside…and the crew’s only hope is to try to reason with the weapon’s intelligence.

Order the DVDsteleplay by Michael Taylor and Kenneth Biller
story by Brannon Braga
directed by John Kretchmer
music by Jay Chattaway

Guest Cast: McKenzie Westmore (Ensign Jenkins), Steve Dennis (Alien)

Notes: McKenzie Westmore is the daughter of Oscar-winning makeup artist Michael Westmore, who created the alien prosthetic makeups on Star Trek from the premiere of The Next Generation through the final episode of Enterprise.

LogBook entry by Earl Green

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Deep Space Nine Season 07 Star Trek

The Dogs Of War

Star Trek: Deep Space NineStardate 52861.3: Sisko takes command of a new Defiant-class ship, with special dispensation to rename it from the Sao Paulo to the Defiant; while on Cardassia, the Female Changeling and Weyoun decide to withdraw in order to replenish their ships and troops. Meanwhile, Kira, Damar, and Garak arrive at Cardassia Prime for a meeting, only to learn that they have been betrayed. Kira and the others are forced to hide in the cellar of Garak’s boyhood home, where they learn from Mila that Damar is becoming a legend among the ordinary Cardassian civilians. On DS9, Quark receives a static-garbled message from Grand Nagus Zek, saying that he plans to retire and move to Risa with Ishka, and that he is coming to DS9 to name his successor. Believing that he will be the next Grand Nagus, Quark is disgusted to learn of all the reforms Zek has been making due to Ishka’s influence, and plans to reverse them as soon as he is in power. And Bashir and Ezri Dax finally address their feelings for each other.

Order the DVDsDownload this episode via Amazonwritten by Rene Echavarria & Ronald D. Moore
directed by Avery Brooks
music by David Bell

Guest Cast: Penny Johnson (Kasidy Yates), Andrew J. Robinson (Garak), Jeffrey Combs (Weyoun / Brunt), Max Grodenchik (Rom), Casey Biggs (Damar), Barry Jenner (Admiral Ross), Cecily Adams (Ishka), J.G. Hertzler (Martok), Chase Masterson (Leeta), Aron Eisenberg (Nog), Juliana McCarthy (Mila), Tiny Ron (Maihar’du), Salome Jens (Female Changeling), Wallace Shawn (Zek), Mel Johnson, Jr. (Broca), Vaughn Armstrong (Seskal), Stephen Yoakam (Velal), Paul S. Eckstein (Jem’Hadar), David B. Levinson (Broik), Cathy DeBuono (M’Pella), Leroy D. Brazile (Lonar), Majel Barrett (Federation Computer Voice)

LogBook entry by Tracy Hemenover

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Season 05 Star Trek Voyager

Equinox

Star Trek: VoyagerStardate not given: To the amazement of Janeway and Voyager’s crew, a distress signal is received from the Federation starship Equinox. The Equinox, commanded by Captain John Ransom, was dragged into the Delta Quadrant by the Caretaker months ahead of Voyager. Ransom and his crew have been besieged by a race of subspace aliens which can only enter real space for a few seconds – but Ransom points out that these aliens can cause a considerable amount of damage in very little time, and the heavily-damaged Equinox seems to bear out his story. Tuvok and Seven detect several odd readings, indicating alien attempts to penetrate the combined shields of Voyager and the Equinox. Ransom repeatedly denies Voyager’s crew access to the engineering section of the Equinox, and it is only when Janeway secretly beams the Doctor over that a horrifying discovery is made. Ransom and his crew have sped their journey considerably by capturing and killing the subspace creatures and using their remains as an energy source. The aliens’ attacks are revenge for the numerous deaths they have suffered at the hands of Ransom’s crew, and when the Equinox crew force their way back to their ship and resume their bloody path toward the Alpha Quadrant, the aliens target Voyager’s crew instead… beginning with Captain Janeway.

Order the DVDsteleplay by Brannon Braga and Joe Menosky
story by Rick Berman, Brannon Braga and Joe Menosky
directed by David Livingston
music by Jay Chattaway

Guest Cast: John Savage (Captain John Ransom), Titus Welliver (Commander Max Burke), Olivia Birkelund (Ensign Gilmore), Rick Worthy (Ensign Lessing), Scarlett Pomers (Naomi Wildman), Steve Dennis (Crew member), Majel Barrett (Computer voice)

LogBook entry by Earl Green

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Deep Space Nine Season 07 Star Trek

What You Leave Behind

Star Trek: Deep Space NineStardate 52947.9: The final assault of the Alpha Quadrant allies against the Dominion begins, as the uprising on Cardassia grows. However, Damar and his people pay a heavy price when the Jem’Hadar begin destroying Cardassian cities and exterminating the population. Damar, Kira, and Garak are captured, but saved from execution by fellow revolutionaries. Damar is killed in the effort to storm Dominion headquarters, and Kira and Garak manage to seize control, killing the eighth and last Weyoun in the process, and taking the Female Changeling prisoner. Meanwhile, the tide of the space battle turns when the Cardassian ships begin firing on their erstwhile Dominion allies.

The final end of the war comes when Odo joins Kira and Garak, and links with the Female Changeling, curing her and obtaining her agreement to sign a peace treaty and be tried for her crimes. In exchange, Odo promises to rejoin the Great Link and heal his people, hoping that in time he can teach them to reconcile with the solids.

On Bajor, Dukat, whose sight has returned, has entered the Fire Caves with Winn to release the pagh-wraiths. Winn poisons him as a sacrificial offering, but the wraiths bypass her and possess Dukat’s body instead. Sisko instinctively realizes what is happening and races to the Fire Caves, where in their struggle, he and Dukat fall into the fire, destroying the Text of the Kosst Amojan and sealing the pagh-wraiths in their prison forever. Sisko awakens in the Celestial Temple, where the Prophets tell him that his work is now complete, and that he is now one of them. Kasidy receives a vision from her husband, bidding her goodbye, and promising to return.

Many other goodbyes are exchanged. Garak faces a bittersweet end to his exile. Worf is appointed Federation ambassador to Qo’Nos, and O’Brien leaves to teach engineering at Starfleet Academy. Odo and Kira part on the shores of the Great Link. However, Quark is still serving drinks and making deals at his bar, and Morn still resides on his stool. Bashir and Ezri also remain on the station, as do Nog and Kasidy. And together, Kira and Jake keep watch on the wormhole…

Order the DVDsDownload this episode via Amazonwritten by Ira Steven Behr & Hans Beimler
directed by Allan Kroeker
music by Dennis McCarthy

Guest Cast: Rosalind Chao (Keiko), Jeffrey Combs (Weyoun), Salome Jens (Female Shapeshifter), Penny Johnson (Kasidy Yates), Andrew J. Robinson (Garak), Casey Biggs (Damar), Marc Alaimo (Gul Dukat), Aron Eisenberg (Nog), J.G. Hertzler (Martok), Barry Jenner (Admiral Ross), Deborah Lacey (Sarah), Julianna McCarthy (Mila), Hana Hatae (Molly), James Darren (Vic Fontaine), Louise Fletcher (Kai Winn), Mel Johnson, Jr. (Broca), Greg Ellis (Ekoor), Cyndi Pass (Ginger), Kevin Scott Allen (Jem’Hadar), Christopher Halsted (Jem’Hadar First), Judi Durand (Cardassian Computer Voice)

LogBook entry by Tracy Hemenover

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Babylon 5 / Crusade Spinoff: Crusade

War Zone

CrusadeIn the aftermath of the Drakh War, Earth Alliance ships pursue remnants of the Drakh fleet. The government has moved to Mars, and those trapped behind the Earth quarantine have already begun to surrender to despair. The EA assembles a team of scientists and soldiers to crew the Excalibur and search the galaxy for any clue that may lead to a cure before all life on Earth ends. Despite the government’s attempt to maintain control of this politically delciate mission, two participants in the War are determined to take their place in the effort. On its shakedown cruise, the Excalibur has its first opportunity for action: save a team of archaeologists from an advancing Drakh army, and salvage the Drakh’s fallen ship.

Order the DVDswritten by J. Michael Straczynski
directed by Janet Greek
music by Evan H. Chen

Cast: Gary Cole (Captain Matthew Gideon), Tracy Scoggins (Captain Elizabeth Lochley), Daniel Dae Kim (Lt. Matheson), Carrie Dobro (Dureena Nafeel), David Allen Brooks (Max Eilerson), Marjean Holden (Dr. Sarah Chambers), Peter Woodward (Galen), Alex Mendoza (Trace Miller), Tim Thomerson (Sentator McQuate), Chris Comes (Aide), Maggie Egan (ISN Anchor), Don Fischer (Captain Henson), Mark Hendrickson (Drakh Captain), Elijah Majar (Crew #1), Rebecca Markham (Sam), Brook Parker (Lieutenant Ross), John Sanderford (Mr. Ames), Will Schaub (Jenson), Otto Sturcke (Ensign)

Notes: The episode Racing The Night was originally intended to lead off the series, but TNT insisted that series creator J. Michael Straczynski turn in a script with more action and introductions to the characters (since production delays meant that Crusade didn’t premiere until half a year after the Babylon 5 movie A Call To Arms, which was meant to segue between the two series). As such, the inclusion of elements like the mutiny aboard Gideon’s ship and the obviously 20th century news footage were last-minute additions. Galen and Dureena were both introduced in A Call To Arms, as was the Excalibur herself; Marjean Holden also appeared in that movie, though not in her regular Crusade role of Dr. Sarah Chambers.

LogBook entry by Dave Thomer with notes by Earl Green

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Movies

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged MeTime-lagged super-spy Austin Powers is astonished to discover that his beautiful bride is, in fact, one of Dr. Evil’s fem-bots. And that isn’t the only trick up the evil genius’ sleeve – he has constructed a time machine so he can travel back to the late 60s, steal Austin’s mojo, and place an enormous laser on the moon which will put the entire world in his command, under threat of a powerful blast from orbit. (Why he couldn’t simply do this in 1999 is…well…a matter for another movie.) Austin must also return to the 60s, recover his mojo, and stop Dr. Evil and the diabolically diminutive Mini-Me from taking over the world (and if the opportunity presents itself for a quick round of shagging, Austin won’t hesitate to do that either).

screenplay by Mike Myers & Michael McCullers
directed by Jay Roach
music by George S. Clinton

Cast: Mike Myers (Austin Powers), Mike Myers (Dr. Evil), Mike Myers (Fat Bastard), Heather Graham (Felicity Shagwell), Michael York (Basil Exposition), Robert Wagner (Number Two), Rob Lowe (Young Number Two), Seth Green (Scott Evil), Mindy Sterling (Frau Fabrissina), Verne J. Troyer (Mini-Me), Elizabeth Hurley (Vanessa), Gia Carides (Robin Swallows), Oliver Muirhead (British Colonel), George Kee Cheung (Chinese Teacher), Jeffrey Meng (Chinese Student), Muse Watson (Klansman), Scott Cooper (Klansman’s son), Douglas Fisher (Man), Kevin Cooney (NORAD Colonel), Clint Howard (Radar Operator Peters), Brian Brooks (Pilot), David Koechner (Co-pilot), Frank Clem (Guitarist with Willie Nelson), Herb Mitchell (Sergeant), Steve Eastin (Umpire), Jane Carr (Woman), Kevin Durand (Assassin), Melissa Justin (Chick #2 at party), Nicholas Walker (Captain of the Guard), Steve Hibbert (Guard at jail cell), David Coy, David Crigger, Tom Ehlen, Dennis Wilson (Carnaby Street band), Eric Winzenreid (Private Army Soldier), Tim Bagley (Friendly dad), Colton James (Friendly son), Mike Hagerty (Peanut vendor), Jack Kehler (Circus barker), Kirk Ward (Soldier), Jeff Garlin (Cyclops), Rachel Wilson (Woody’s fan), Jennifer Coolidge (Woman at football game), John Mahon (NATO Colonel), Michael McDonald (NATO soldier), Jeanette Miller (Teacher), Mary Jo Smith (Unibrau), Carrie Ann Inara, Jennifer Hamilton, Ayesha Orange, Natalie Willes (Felicity’s dancers), John Corella, Alison Waulk, Michelle Elkin, Shealan Spencer, Tovaris Wilson (Party dancers)

Appearing as themselves: Burt Bacharach, Elvis Costello, Woody Harrelson, Willie Nelson, Rebecca Romjin-Stamos, Jerry Springer

LogBook entry and review by Earl Green

Review: Previously, I waxed rhapsodic about the uneven Pleasantville, asking myself if it was a brilliant chunk of celluloid or if it was a big mess. No such quandary with Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. This film is a big mess – a very funny mess at times, but still a mess.

I’ll confess up front that I passed on the first Austin Powers flick, as Mike Myers just really isn’t my cup of tea. But after a number of friends recommended it to me as the funniest thing they’d seen in 1999 (obviously, they hadn’t seen Bowfinger), I splurged and got the DVD.

Mike Myers’ over-the-top performance is charming in a lot of places, and it has to be in order to carry the whole movie along. The script, though it has its moments, is thinner than the paper on which it was printed. The real highlight of the movie is Dr. Evil and his secret plot to use a giant laser – dubbed “the Alan Parsons Project” (just one of many throwaway jokes about which a great deal of noise is made, in direct proportion to how funny the joke actually is). The bizarre dynamics of the bad guys is incredibly amusing, so much more so than the protagonists. The honest truth is that Michael York is the funniest of our heroes, mainly because this is just about the last movie in which one would expect him to be involved. Heather Graham got a lot of buzz from this movie, but she was much better in Bowfinger.

There’s barely a plot to the whole thing, so the main question is: is it funny? Well…sort of. Almost. In places…not at all. For example, the basic premise that Austin would accidentally drink Fat Bastard’s stool sample is amusing (disgusting, yes, but still funny), but the gag-inducing gag is drawn out for such a long time, with such an obvious conclusion, that it loses more belly-laugh potential with each passing second. Now, had Austin taken a swig of the “tea” and then proclaimed that it tasted like shit…that would’ve been funny. Still very sophomoric and predictable humor, but the impact of the moment would have compensated for it a little. Several potentially hilarious jokes are ruined in a similar fashion throughout the movie.

There are two scenes that keep me in stitches every time, though: a pair of montages in which Clint Howard, as a NORAD operator tracking Dr. Evil’s strangely phallic escape rocket, sets off a chain reaction of various short scenes and cameo appearances in which almost every possible colloquialism for the male reproductive organ is exhausted. While it’s still pretty juvenile humor, it still gets a big laugh out of me every time.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me – hopefully the spy spoof’s stopping point rather than the jumping-off point for a new franchise – is good for a laugh if you’ve had a long day and your brain is already shut down for the evening. Trust me, you won’t need to use it to watch this one.

Categories
Farscape Season 1

That Old Black Magic

FarscapeWhen a stranger appears to Crichton and claims to be a magician, Crichton is skeptical. When the stranger demonstrates his knowledge of Crichton’s predicament and offers to help him settle things with Crais, however, skepticism turns to interest. The deal is not quite what it seems, however – while the stranger does bring Crais and Crichton together, he does so by separating their spirits from their bodies, trapping the former in his stronghold. Crichton seeks to enlist Crais’ help in overcoming their captor, but Crais’s thoughts are only on revenge – and his corporeal form is a price he’s more than willing to pay. Crichton’s only hope may be in Zhaan reconnecting with a part of herself she hoped she had left behind for good, one that could cost her her very way of life.

Order the DVDswritten by Richard Manning
directed by Brendan Maher
music by Subvision

Guest Cast: Lani Tupu (Captain Bialar Crais), Chris Haywood (Maldis/Igg/Haloth), Grant Bowler (Liko), Christine Stephen-Daly (Lt. Teeg), Jake Blundell (Lt. Om), Wadih Dona (Tauvo Crais), Vic Rooney (Admiral Josbek)

LogBook entry by Dave Thomer