Attention snowflakes and ice

Attention, all snowflakes and ice occupying any portion of my property:

The current temperature here is well over 50 degrees Fahrenheit, i.e. 20 degrees above the freezing point of water. You are hereby requested and required to vacate the premises immediately. If you wish to stay here in a liquefied state, that will be an acceptable compromise, but I am hereby banning all frozen water from this property immediately.

If you do not vacate the premises immediately as instructed, you are liable to find yourself dyed yellow by the least hygenic means available to me and my dog.

That is all.

Love,
The Management