The most disturbing dream I’ve ever had.

I was recently trying to convey this to a friend of mine and though I’d post it here, just in case anyone wants to have a go at interpreting it, or perhaps just wants to wallow in how staggeringly morbid it is.
I recently had a dream/nightmare, actually several if you want to be technical about it, as it was a “continuing storyline” that spread out over 2 or 3 nights. It wasn’t the same dream or variation on a theme over and over, it was an ongoing thing, as if I had this other life that was going on while I sleep. I don’t remember seeing anything in the paper, on TV or in any other medium with anything even remotely approximating this story, nothing that I can think of that would influence this train of throught into running a nightly timetable through my head.
Basically, in this dream, I’m living in the house where I grew up, as an adult. My wife doesn’t feature anywhere in the dream at all – it’s like she’s just not even there in that world. And I have a baby daughter. (Where this baby came from, I have no idea, because there’s no wife or girlfriend at all in the entire story.) Put simply, I turn my back for ten seconds to climb up on a ladder and change the light bulb in my basement (something I never actually did while I was living there). And I come back down, and she’s gone. Frantic searching ensues. I can’t find a trace of her. I call, shout, scream, because at this point, even upsetting the kid enough to get her to cry will lead me to her. There’s not an open door, there’s no one else in the house, and I can’t figure out where she’s gone.
That’s pretty much night one. The second night basically involves friends (but no one I recognize as family, or who is playing any kind of familial role) coming over to commisserate, the police searching everywhere in and around the house, asking me questions, and a few people questioning my fitness to be raising this kid on my own. (On that score, I don’t disagree – I know zip about taking care of an infant.)
On the third night’s dream, she turns up dead. Behind an appliance somewhere – somewhere where I’ve already looked, again and again and again, trying to find her, and somewhere where I can’t even picture how she got back there. She got stuck, couldn’t move and apparently couldn’t make a sound. She was in the basement the whole time, and I was right there looking for her, and I couldn’t help her in time.
I woke up from that, I almost think my subconscious forced me to wake up at that point, and I felt like I had been gut-punched until my insides were hollowed out. I felt like I really had lost that child. The rest of that waking day was completely lost to me, because I was feeling this devastating emotional fallout from something that didn’t even really happen. I got upset about it again later, a whole different flavor of upset, because I really found myself wondering what the hell any of that meant, and why it was hitting me so hard when my eyelids were open.
For the record, I’ve never had a younger sibling, much less had one die; I’ve never had a nephew, niece, cousin or any other relative die at that age, nothing that would bring that kind of a thought to the surface, let alone in that much detail. I’ve never had any children of my own, and I’ve never even succeeded in conceiving one. I’ve never had a child to lose, or known anyone who had anything like this happen.
So why any of this would occur to my subconscious, much less in a way that I almost can’t get away from it, I have no idea. But it was really disturbing.

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  1. 1
    LadyJaye

    Wow. That’s a pretty heavy series of dreams. But maybe you’re reliving something that happened in another life? I’ve read some stuff about dreams (mostly through the Seth books by Jane Roberts), how you can actually visit alternate universes or the past or the future, or even see people you once knew, who may or may not even be part of the life you’re currently living.
    Maybe it is events that happened or are happening to you in an alternate universe…
    Where I’m concerned, there are regular dreams (where it feels like you’re in a 3D movie, more like virtual reality of sorts) and then there are those kind of dreams, in which you actually keep your senses. They feel so real that you wake up confused about whether it actually happened or not. The latter kind of dream is not something I’ve experienced very often, but when it happens, the memory is more vivid. There was even such a dream in which I actually had my sense of touch — weirdly enough it turned out to be a sort of premonitory dream.

  2. 2
    ubikuberalles

    Gut wrenching dreams like that really suck. I’ve had dreams that left me an emotional wreck but, thankfully, they didn’t invlolve the death of a child.
    I’m sure Freud would have a field day with your dream. Perhaps the girl represented your lost childhood? I dunno.
    It’s wierd that you had three consecutive nights of dreams that were related. I’ve had related dreams but never on consecutive nights.
    I hope you won’t have anymore disturbing dreams like this.

  3. 3
    Earl

    I’ve had “serial” dreams before like this, but nothing on quite this level of disturbing. I’m not sure why that happens – I’m not one of these folks who’s up on the whole lucid dreaming thing, and I’m not entirely sure I buy into that concept to begin with. It doesn’t always coincide with something bugging me either, sometimes it just happens like that.
    My wife gets to have cool dreams where she’s on the Enterprise or the Andromeda or Babylon 5 or something like that. Who do I have to bribe to have those kinds of dreams instead? For some reason, ever since I wasn’t even old enough to grasp the concept of death, about half of my dreams have ended with my dying, sometimes violently, sometimes just slipping away peacefully.
    I think Freud would probably have a week or a month of field days with me.

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